5 awful Android games you should never download
Here at TechRadar we're always recommending the best apps for you – today, we're doing something a little different. I implore you to never download anything from this list, these are some of the worst games you'll be able to put on your Android phone or tablet.
Part of the reason for this 'variable quality' is the Google Play Store's admission process is a bit more lax than the Apple App Store. More gets on there that really shouldn't - some mega weird and some downright wrong.
From Frozen pregnancy simulators to cocaine apps – we don't want Google to clean up its act per se, but someone needs to save us from ourselves.
1. Prison Life RPG
Prison Life RPG does exactly what it says on the tin – you enter your prison at the very bottom and then have to align with a gang before you start your a career and eventually become top dog.
It's currently 10p on Android but there's a reason it's so cheap: it's just all kinds of awful. Forget the terrible dialogue and annoying music; the stereotypes are downright offensive. As you'd expect, there's even a section where you have to pick up the soap.
2. Nose Candy
Android allows a game where you can pretend to snort coke off your screen. It's banned from the App Store and the app developers clearly love it. The description reads, "The ONLY coke app on ANY phone! BANNED from iPhone! Fun and great for parties! Show your iPhone friends an app they'll never get!"
The shocking thing is this one is a whole £1.49. We're not sure how much real 'snow' that would get you.
3. Ice Queen Give Birth To A Baby
Here's one of the unexplained ones on the Play Store – you can now help what's clearly Elsa from Frozen give birth to a baby. The description reads, "Ice Queen gave birth to a baby last night. It's a girl, Ice Queen was very happy."
The strangest thing is Frozen is meant to appeal to a much younger audience than those who are interested in the intricacies of childbirth. There's a stork involved somewhere though, so at least it's medically accurate.
There's this whole weird sub-genre of Princess Pregnancy games you should (NEVER) check out as well.
4. Awesome Pee Challenge
The best part of this game, from the same developer as PrisonRPG, is the name. Any app that has to put "awesome" in the title has to be great right?
Awesome Pee Challenge allows you to urinate in a variety of locations without being tackled by security. As well as controlling the stream like a big boy there's even different levels of difficultly. Presumably it's something to do with the wind.
5. Pimple Popper
You know that amazing feeling when you squish a big spot? Now you can get that on your Android phone as well as you mug.
If you thought The Sims was an experiment to see how long people would waste pretending to do everyday tasks on a screen, you clearly haven't seen this weird sub-genre of spot popping on Android.
Pimple Popper has over 11,000 one star reviews though so I wouldn't get too excited. On the other hand it is free and has 12 faces to pop. Maybe I'll go download it now...