Don't get me wrong, I love Nokia. A company that looks at a stick and thinks "that's a good idea for a phone" before making a handset with no number keys is clearly one I can get on board with.

But, come on boys, the XpressMusic 5800 for the phone that EVERYONE has been talking about?

The Nokia Tube has garnered so much excitement (well, only because everyone is bored of writing about the sodding iPhone…if I write the 'i' and the 'p' in the wrong cases again I'm going to go mad) that surely keeping the name would make sense from a PR point of view.

But NOOOO, Nokia has to keep it 'in the family', alongside the nattily named Nokia 3310 and the Nokia 6280…my God, even putting an 'N' in front of the N-Series must have been cause for high fives and warm champagne throughout the office.

For a month.

So, I've had a good hard think, and decided to come up with some names for the phone if it was made by other companies, those that have had to compete with Nokia for the last 15 centuries or so…in no particular order:

The LG Glimmer

Well, calling phones random words seems to have worked for LG, those folks that thought the name 'Chocolate' was a goer, and have followed it up with the Voyager and Viewty.

Possible press release: 'The LG Glimmer comes packed with the latest camera and feature-set so you can now float like a cloud above the breeze of the anonymity…the LG Glimmer'.

Possibly with lasers to help show off the phone. LG likes lasers.

The Samsung Neverending

Samsung likes the name Soul. It also likes the name Tocco for its Viewty-a-like, so it makes sense the whole 'super-slippery-touchscreen' aspect should be placed like a horizon pool next to the company brand name.

Possible press release: 'Anger and fire come together to make this handset that can't be stopped. Fashioned in creative silver and purple and hewn from aluminium, the Neverending won't stop, even if you do.'

This could be released in LA, but with baboons instead of models to be a bit weird.

(Note: the new handset, the INNOV8, was deemed too ridiculously-named to be mentioned here).

The Sony Ericsson w80t40c60 Xperience

Sony Ericsson's recent slide in the handset manufacturer polls could be down to the rubbish names for each handset, meaning you can so easily forget which is which, although it doesn't seem to have hurt Nokia much.

So, in true SE style, we've bundled some letters and numbers with an 'Xtreme' name, a la the recent Xperia, to show how different yet collaborative the Tube could be in the Swedo-Japanese stable.

Possible press release: 'The Sony Ericsson w80t40c60 Xperience could be called a mobile phone, but it's more than that.

With an FM radio and the WALKMAN BRAND (don't forget, WALKMAN) and a CYBER-SHOT camera, you'll recognise this one from your other fave devices.

Since Sony Ericsson blasted music onto the mobile scene, the world has changed, and the w80t40c60 Xperience will change it even more. With an FM radio too and Bluetooth.'

Released on the website with a random countdown the day before.

The Motorola KR (RAZR3)

Moto have given up actually thinking up names for stuff, so have just started abbreviating more and more. If the company was to come up with an iPhone-killer, it would have to be the shortest ever.

Possible press release: 'Motorola (we made the RAZR) today expands its portfolio with the release of a new phone (following on from the RAZR), the KR (RAZR3).