For every jaw-dropping, must-have app for iPad and iPhone there are dozens more that are mad, bad or just plain wrong.
We've rounded up just 10 of our favourites. We're sure you can find many more.
1. Sexy Piano - £0.59
There are loads of piano apps on the iPhone, but few are as bizarre as this. Hit different keys and you're greeted "a beautiful woman's sexy sound", which turns out to be the kind of 'oohs' and 'ahhs' you last heard in a dodgy movie. Also available on Android. Rated 12+.
2. Auto Will - £2.99
It's statistically very unlikely that you'll get run over by a bus tomorrow, but are you ready to take that chance? Worrywarts can console themselves (a bit) by filling out their last will and testament on their iPhone or iPad and then pinging it off to their friends, relatives and solicitors just in case. Don't try filling it in when you're crossing the road though, eh?
3. Is Career Women More Divorce - £0.59
Apple proudly boasts that there are 250,000 apps available from the iTunes Store, but an awful lot of them seem to be made up of crud like this. The app description explains why marrying a career woman is more likely to end in divorce (feeling bitter Mr. Developer?) but then fails to really explain what insights you'll gain from downloading the app.
Bizarrely the app is rating 17+ for its 'frequent/intense sexual content or nudity', while the developer website points you to a GoDaddy domain name parking page. We'll pass, thanks.
4. BedRabbit - £0.59
Think you're a star performer in the sack? Then prove it by firing up this app and then lying your iPhone on the bed while you get jiggy. BedRabbit will assess your performance based on intensity, rhythm, progression, diversity and artistic (?!) criteria and also listens in to the sounds you and your partner(s) make.
Once this 17+ app has totted up your score you can email the results to your friends so they can point and laugh at you next time you're down the pub.
5. A German Video Cuisine How To - £0.59
If we had to guess which countries are the most renowned for the quality of their cuisine, we doubt the Germans (bless 'em) would rank very highly on the list - something this app seems to cheerfully acknowledge with its "welcome to the land of sausages and cheese' qualifier.
Having said that the app does have a mouth-watering array of Teutonic delicacies from with to choose, although sadly, it kicks you over to YouTube to see them.
6. iBoak - £0.59
We've enjoyed more than our fair share of farting, burping, fatten-your-face and talking animals apps, but now things are starting to get really sick. Literally. iBoak serves up over 200 puking sounds so horribly realistic you can 'hear the chunks'. Just don't make a mess of your black turtleneck jumper, OK?
7. Blow - £Free
From blowing chunks to just blowing. This delightful, kid-friendly app lets you to point your lips at your iPhone's microphone to inflate a balloon, make underwater bubbles, toot on a referee's whistle and clear a virtual nose. Lovely.
8. iStethoscope Pro - £0.59
Developed with the help of cardiologists, this app turns your iPhone into a stethoscope you can use to listen into the sounds your own (or a wiling patient's) body makes. iStethoscope Pro includes a phonocardiograph display and a spectrogram of your heart's waveform and requires both exact placement on your body and a good set of headphones to enjoy it at is best. Now who wants to play Doctors and Nurses. You do? Excellent. We'll just warm our hands.
9. Eye Test Pro - £0.59
Let's face it, peering at your iPhone's tiny screen all day isn't going to do your eyesight an awful lot of good, but you maybe surprised to learn that opticians sometimes use iPhones to check how well you can see. Aimed at optometrists, this app includes all kinds of pro-level tests including testing letters, Plate Ishihara and Fixation Disparity.
10. Pocket Girl - £1.19
She's pretty, doesn't moan and won't blow all your money on shoes. Yup, it's Pocket Girl and you can keep her forever on your iPad or iPhone. Pocket Girl comprises a set of HD-quality video clips with actions dotted around the screen that help you interact with the girl of your dreams. There's nothing obviously risqué about it (the app has a 4+ rating) although you might get some strange looks when you introduce her to your real life friends.
Liked this? Then check out Top 30 best free iPhone apps
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