iPad mini with Retina display (try saying that three times quickly after a few beers), how I covet thee. When will we see each other? God only knows. Do you even exist?
Apple's latest tiny turbo offering has been unveiled and it's likely to be out almost a year to the day since we first got hold of the original mini. The one with a NON-retina display. Remember that?
I say 'likely' because Apple doesn't seem to want to share that bit of info with us. Knowledge is power. And Tim Cook's like the Eye of Sauron right now in tech terms.
Article continues below
When it comes to the iPad mini 2 though and this baby's due date, just like the pin sharp screen on the original, it's severely lacking.
Why, Apple, why?
What's going on?
Are you going to struggle to meet demand? Are you waiting to see how the iPad Air does first? WHAT IS GOING ON?
This is where I just can't help feeling pessimistic about the motives of Cupertino. Regular readers will remember last week that I berated Apple for its deliberate policy of throttling certain features when it comes to launching new products, keeping things back deliberately for the next model.
It's a sure-fire way to make sure people upgrade. But here, I can't help feeling Apple is deliberately throttling its own sales. After all, it is one of the few companies that can afford to do that if it feels the end justifies the means.
Is that what you're doing, Apple? Is it? IS IT?
Lets look at the facts. We are approaching Christmas (yes it's less than two months away now!) and there are likely to be as many tablets under trees as fairies and stars on top.
The last few years retailers have talked about how many they're shifting. The numbers are phenomenal.
And it's no coincidence that the hugely popular iPad mini went on sale late November last year, making the shopping season an extremely stressful one as punters clamoured to get hold of one. Yeah, thanks for that Apple.
This year, I'm going to Santa directly. What better way to build momentum by making people wonder if they're ever going to get hold of one. Season of good will, and all that. More like season of good profits! Keeping people waiting keeps them away from the Nexus 7 and off the Kindle Fire HD offerings.
There's also the fact that many upgraders will be torn between the iPad Air and the iPad mini 2. And what better way to ensure the early adopters and geeks plump for the more expensive Air, than to make them think it'll be aaaages before they get their hands on a mini.
They'll buy the Air, play with it, sell it on eBay and then go for a mini. It's a clever strategy if true, but it's also not great. People like to have a date to work to. Just turfing them out as and when is not hugely accommodating to those who clearly follow Apple's every move and buy every product.
It's not like Apple is unable to launch more than one product at a time either. The launch of the iPhone 5S and iPhone 5C on the same date went off without a hitch, so logistically Apple is capable.
Christmas is fast approaching. The iPad mini with Retina display is too - apparently. You may be better sending your letter off to the North Pole sooner rather than later if you really want one.
I've reviewed dozens of phones and tablets for TechRadar over the years – each time putting them through their paces in the most unbiased, rigorous way possible. But as well as being a professional, I have a love/hate relationship with tech, and that's what these columns are all about: the passionate howlings of a true fanboy. Tell me why I'm right, wrong or a hopeless idiot in the comments below or by tweeting @techradar or @phillavelle