Beer that appears magically before your eyes, friends that waver in and out of focus and bar-maids that have all the friendliness of a vending machine.
If that sounds like your typical Saturday night, you're 250 years ahead of the times, as it's also Guinness's view of the pub of the future.
Apparently, in 2259, robotic bouncers will greet punters by name, thanks to ID microchips that we will all have implanted under our skin when we reach drinking age.
A pint of nanotech, please
At the bar, beer will be brewed to order using biotechnology (in less time than it takes to pour a pint?) and be delivered to your table using magnetic levitation.
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The big-screen telly will have mutated into a 3D TV and the snooker table will, if reports from the Press Association are accurate, be "made of light". Whatever that means.
If you're of the opinion that such an establishment would be unutterably ghastly, console yourself that you won't have to be there in person to witness it - holographic projectors will allow you to join in the 'fun' from the comfort of your own space-pod.
Needless to say, this blarney is little more than a way to publicise the International Day of Guinness (previously known as St Patrick's Day), due to take over pubs worldwide this weekend.