Hey ladies - are our normal, well-specced phones too much for your pretty little heads? Thought so - you should try our new handsets made just for you. They're rubbish, but y'know - they're sparkly.

That's not us speaking, by the way - that's the good people at Samsung talking about the SGH-L310 and SGH-L320, two new phones "for fashion conscious users", which seems to mean women only in their twisted universe

Oh, the humanity!

If you've read this far you probably feel the same way we do about condescending garbage like sticking shiny beads on low-end gadgets or painting them pink to sell to just one half of the population. Still, we'll soldier on and bring you the full horror of Samsung's press release.

The 310 and 320 will appear in Eastern Europe in February and March and have small (1.8/1.9 inches) screens, Bluetooth, 2-megapixel cameras and MP3/AAC players. They're light on features, then, but let's not overlook the "female applications".

Each includes - get this - a shopping-list application, a guide to choosing perfumes and a calorie counter. Even better, apparently "distinctive patterns and hidden message icons for incoming calls and MMS are sure to charm female consumers".

What on Earth is Samsung thinking of? Answers on a postcard please, but be sure to make it one with cute kittens on the front, ok?