10 gadgets guaranteed to make James Bond relevant again

Introduction

What you are about to read has been penned by Mr Biffo, the creative force behind the 90s Teletext videogames magazine Digitiser. He now runs the show at digitiser2000.com.

Whether he's chasing dodgy-looking gunslingers through building sites, getting drunk in casinos or walking out of the sea in his underpants, 007 always has the latest items of modern tech at his disposal.

Here are 10 that Q Branch could issue for the dapper man's next assignment.

How to watch the James Bond movies in order

1. UBER APP

This might appear to be an ordinary Uber app, but it would come in extra useful if Bond found himself in a sticky situation in, let's say, downtown Khartoum (or one of those places).

2. SELFIE STICK

Bond can disguise himself as an average tourist, with this seemingly standard Q Branch selfie stick.

3. TOY DRONE

Drones are everywhere these days – you even see kids in the park, flying them into the ground and trees. Bond's Q-issue toy drone comes with a bonus robotic son, so that he can appear to be nothing more than a doting father.

4. FITNESS TRACKER WRISTBAND

Like most middle-aged men, Bond is probably terrified of dying or getting fat, and that's why an activity tracker wristband wouldn't look out of place on his arm.

5. SATNAV WATCH

Even a veteran super spy must know where he is headed, which is why Bond's special Garmin GPS would come with all the features you'd expect from a top-of-the-range navigation system.

6. INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT

It's important that Bond remain incognito, which is why Q Branch could develop a number of special filters for his personal Instagram account – which replace his face with that of a nondescript youth called 'Jimes Brond'.

7. BEATS BY DRE

These ordinary-looking Beats come gift-wrapped in birthday paper – the ideal gift for any foreign agent Bond is trying to seduce.

8. HOVERBOARD

Let's get this out of the way now: these Segway-like wheeled platforms are not hoverboards, so please… please stop calling them that. But still, as the hot new mode of transport, it only seems right that James Bond should swap his Aston Martin for one of them.

9. OCULUS RIFT

There's nothing special about the Oculus Rift headset that Bond is equipped with by Q Branch; it's just a regular pair of virtual reality goggles.

10. PLAYSTATION 4

Bond doesn't strike us as the sort of chap to sit around playing video games, but he probably needs some way to unwind between missions that doesn't simply involve heavy drinking and casual sex.