Sometimes we have to 7DiG around to bring you the MOST AWESOMEST!!111 news from last 7 days in gaming, but sometimes this column writes itself.
At least that's what we told ourselves until someone reminded us that we had to actually write it, even when it has all killer and no filler. Apart from the Angry Birds Space story. That's probably filler. Sorry.
Legendary kneepads - Nothing puts pressure on 7DiG's marriage like a good MMO, so we're sure that along with PC manufacturers, Microsoft and role-players, divorce lawyers will be overjoyed that The Elder Scrolls Online has been announced.
Considering Skyrim was so popular that it both topped the gaming charts and made dragons extinct on Earth* we imagine that it's likely to be a roaring success. We'd normally make an arrow in the knee joke here – but apparently that's so 2011.
*Apparently Skyrim may or may not be responsible for this. Jury's out.
Post modernist Arrows and knees are, of course, less of a concern for the modern warrior – given that an RPG has even more chance of ending your time as an adventurer. We bought the original Black Ops thinking it was something to do with Satanic surgery but this time around we're much readier to answer the Call of Nature…sorry, we mean Duty.
Here's the Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 trailer:
Atmospheric - As hardcore gamers we obviously eschew Angry Birds Space. Especially that fricking level that we can't get that damn third st… ahem. So we're obviously astounded that the latest Rovio offering has passed 50 million downloads in 35 days
Down't'pit - Mike Saunders spent a week in Minecraft to write us up a feature on the gaming phenomenon. Of course, our dad's dad worked down't mine 25 hours a day eight days a week (and got a half day off at Christmas) for his entire life to put the computers on our desks to play Minecraft, and he never got to write an article about it. Pah.
Next New Xbox 720 X3! -Flextronic – the company that makes the current Xbox 360 and sounds a lot like it has a sideline in robot callisthenics – is apparently already beavering away on making its successor.
Of course, Microsoft doesn't comment on rumour, speculation or anything else that might stop people buying Kinect and start waiting for a new Xbox.
Stream of consciousness - For those who are anticipating a Microsoft announcement at E3, you can at least watch it on your current console – with the entire press conference being streamed on your Xbox.
We'll level with you. We think it's unlikely to be about a new Xbox. Sorry. [CVG]
Valve release jammed - A company that will also be disappointing people at E3 is Valve – with Gabe Newell wheeling his desk over to the press line to admit the company will not be announcing anything new.
"We are not announcing anything at E3. Really. We are not announcing Half-Life 3 or Portal 3 or Left 4 Dead 3," Newell told [Valvetime]
Last, we leave you with our traditional spin around the Future gaming sites to bring you some awesomeness piled on top of amazement with a swirl of OMG on top.
Official Nintendo Magazine
Official Xbox Magazine
Official PlayStation Magazine
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Patrick Goss is the ex-Editor in Chief of TechRadar. Patrick was a passionate and experienced journalist, and he has been lucky enough to work on some of the finest online properties on the planet, building audiences everywhere and establishing himself at the forefront of digital content. After a long stint as the boss at TechRadar, Patrick has now moved on to a role with Apple, where he is the Managing Editor for the App Store in the UK.