Our favourite source of idiotic sensationalism, The Sun, tried to launch a Facebook scandal yesterday, claiming burglars use the service to scout out people with fancy houses full of stuff worth nicking.
Yes, it's a simple rehash of the old "Google Street View burglary" pieces that had us sighing with disinterest last year, only with the marginally new angle that Facebook users could get caught out while bragging about being on holiday on the network.
The Sun is pretending this is proper news by claiming insurer Legal & General is considering raising premiums for those who are members of the lifestyle bragging social network, to counter the cost of paying out for possible robberies.
"A burglar might look out for alarms or security lighting on any pictures of the home, as well as any photos of pet dogs who might be guarding it," a reformed criminal told the paper. The Sun then went on to trot out the usual privacy concerns about how you'll get mugged by a terrorist for putting your date of birth and a photo of your cat on the internet.
SIGN OF THE TIMES: "Did you get a look at the burglar's profile, madam?" [Image credit:
In other baffling mainstream media news, several outlets decided that running a Google Earth photo of a boat and asking the question "Is this the Loch Ness Monster?" was acceptable news to put on the internet.
It is only the internet, after all. Who needs quality control on the internet?
"I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie," finder Jason Cooke blatantly lied about the image, which obviously just shows a boat. We're just not used to seeing boats from above. They're a different shape from above, Jason.
NESSIE, YESTERDAY: But is this just a boat?
This sets a dangerous news precedent. If it's OK to upload a photo of a boat while posing a question about if it's the Loch Ness Monster or not, the floodgates are going to open in spectacular style. Here's a photo of an aeroplane. Is it actually a UFO? Here's a photo of a monkey. Is it actually Bigfoot? Debate.
MY LIPS ENTERED THE PROXIMITY OF HER LIPS
If you now fear any form of real-world interaction with insane other people thanks to scare stories like the above, here's some great news from the robot world.
They've learned how to kiss. Soon they will learn how to make love and breed, leading to the formation of a futuristic utopia devoid of all stupid humans and all the things they do and say. A peaceful robotic hum will ring out across the land. Newspapers will start to feature news again.
Here's the pair of Taiwanese love-bots, named Thomas and Janet, getting it on.
Phew. Dunno about you, but I need to refill my cooling fluid reservoir and turn my internal fan up a few notches after witnessing that hot scene.
POGO STICK 2.0
You know what needs reinventing for the modern youth? The pogo stick. For too long it has been considered the toy of the kids of the past - until now. The newly built BowGo takes pogoing "2 the Xtreme", allowing users to bounce a potentially death-inducing nine feet up in the air.
For the benefit of our European readers, that's 2.74 metres, or a height easily high enough to break both wrists and a hip joint as you return to earth.
Ben Brown, a robotics scientist at Carnegie Mellon University, invented the thing while doing serious research into possible robotic limbs, meaning BowGo now boasts "the smoothest ride of any pogo stick".
BOING BOING: "Just sign the medical disclaimer here... here... and here..."
After nearly a decade of development, BowGo made its first competitive appearance last weekend at Pogopalooza 6, America's pogo festival. Yes, there's a pogo festival. You can find a festival for anything if you Google it hard and long enough.
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