Agatha Christie’s Seven Dials on Netflix is a mundane mess that quickly gives away the whodunnit — so Kenneth Branagh’s mediocre Poirot movies can rest easy

There's been a murder – and I'm not just talking about the plot of Agatha Christie's Seven Dials. In fact, I'm talking about the Netflix adaptation itself. The infamous crime author has sold between 2-4 billion copies of her work, but somehow, the TV version of The Seven Dials Mystery feels absolutely criminal.

Not to brag, but I'm ordaining myself as an expert here. Back in the 2000s, UK TV channel ITV had the monopoly on Poirot and Miss Marple adaptations, and I've grown up watching them. Add in movie classics like Peter Ustinov's Death on the Nile and devouring her books from the age of 14, and I'm an application away from joining the Agatha Christie fan club.

If we're comparing Agatha Christie's Seven Dials to everything I listed above (and it would be pretty hard not to), its must-miss energy is down to two things: the original novel and the changes made to the streamer's adaptation.

But before we dig deeper into that, don't let my instant negativity put you off too much. With a star-studded cast and a three-episode runtime, there is some merit to binging it... perhaps when you're trying to do some last-minute ironing on a Sunday afternoon.

The only person who will likely be breathing a sigh of relief is Kenneth Branagh, whose trilogy of Poirot movies received a widespread panning from critics and audiences alike. Personally, I only thought A Haunting in Venice was an out-and-out disaster, but he definitely won't be a crime-themed punching bag after this.

The Seven Dials Mystery is the wrong Agatha Christie story to adapt for Netflix

Agatha Christie’s Seven Dials | Official Trailer | Netflix - YouTube

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I would confidently bet £10 (or $10 / AU$10 for my US and Australian friends) that you've never heard of The Seven Dials Mystery before. Not only was it not a big hitter like And Then There Were None or Murder on the Orient Express, but the novel it takes characters from, The Secret of Chimneys, was a much bigger success. The Seven Dials Mystery released to mostly bad reviews from critics, and all three of these points together aren't the best groundings for an adaptation.

Is the original book really one of Christie's best? I don't think so. It's definitely got a more light-hearted tone, but that only really comes across if you were actually from the 1920s. The overarching mystery doesn't really stick, and it's all a bit too complicated for its own good.

None of these things are Agatha Christie's Seven Dials' fault, more what it's got to contend with. There were a million better stories for the biggest streaming service in the world to choose for its own original content, particularly if it wants to build up a visual back catalog of Christie's work.

Sparkling Cyanide, Crooked House or Cards on the Table might have made for shrewd choices, especially given as their narrative structures are all a lot more sound. But here's when we begin to run into our other problem.

If you've seen any of the latest TV Agatha Christie adaptations over the last decade – which have either been for the BBC or direct to Britbox – you'll have noticed a subtle downward spiral of quality. From Kim Cattrall's Witness for the Prosecution to Anjelica Huston in Towards Zero, no new series has seemed to garner favor with anyone watching.

So, are the glory days of adapting Agatha Christie for the small screen over? It certainly feels that way for the standalone novels. I think a streaming service like Netflix could score some points with a Miss Marple reboot, but even that's a big ask.

The changes Agatha Christie's Seven Dials make to the original book don't work either

WARNING: spoilers for Agatha Christie's Seven Dials ahead.

When Murder, She Wrote and Columbo used to air in the 1980s, viewers quickly caught on that whoever was the biggest star in an episode was also the murderer – so much so that creators then had to change their casting tactics. Clearly, we don't learn anything from history, as the biggest stars in Agatha Christie's Seven Dials are the ones who give the game away.

Without giving the ultimate whodunnit away (although you could just read the book if you want an answer), Lord Caterham has been changed to Lady Caterham in this adaptation, and that's a huge problem. Frankly, casting executives could and should do anything to have Helena Bonham Carter in their production, and she's as dazzling and zany as you'd expect in the limited screentime she has.

However, she also gives away the secrets of the Seven Dials in a way that wouldn't have happened had our lady still been a lord. It's an incredibly silly blunder that knocks the central pins of storytelling to a ground, and I can't believe the decision came from the same man who made Broadchurch.

If you want to keep some mystery until the end, I'd almost recommend skipping episode 2 entirely. You can work out all the connections and logistics at play by the halfway point – something the Queen of Crime would never have let happen on her watch, even if it was one of her weaker stories.

So, what am I really getting from this streaming experience? A feeling of being let down and not seeing enough of Bonham Carter. Shoutout to Martin Freeman though, who's clearly having the time of his life playing make believe in a game of Netflix Cluedo.

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