Want to get the best iPhone for you? Order two. That's what I had to do - even though I've no intention of keeping them both.
We're here on launch day, and this was the only way I could feel safe because of what happened last week. The problem is that Apple gave us something new on Tuesday 9 September.
Something 'magical'. Something 'awe-inspiring'. Something it's never given us before: a real choice... what a way to screw with your head.
The once-easy decision of colour or storage, now replaced by the choice of two models. ARGH! (I'll ignore the 5C vs 5S debate, as that was just a rebadged iPhone 5).
And I just couldn't make up my mind. So I ordered both. Credit card status: broken! Not that I can afford to keep two. But I had little choice in the small scheme of things.
Making the choice
Here's why: there's something else that comes with Apple phones for a lot of people, and that's impatience.
Because you know that if you don't get one pre-ordered, you're going to have to try on launch day. And having done that several times since 2007, I can tell you that it can be a miserable experience.
Last year, having failed miserably, it was November before I was able to just walk into an Apple store and pick up a 5S without having said a prayer to those above and walked a dozen old ladies across the road to balance the karma out.
The fact is that I just couldn't make my mind up on Friday. So firm action was needed.
And there was no way I could go check them out in a store first to make a decision. Add to the mix that - like them or loathe them - Apple devices have a habit of happily shocking you when you first pick them up (for example, the weight of the iPhone 5 compared to the 4), it's not the easiest decision to make.
To the winner, the spoils
Luckily, Apple has a great returns policy which means I can try them both out and then return the one I don't want within 14 days. Which I totally intend to do.
Or maybe I can sell one at a hugely inflated price and get together the cash for a deposit on a house. I feel I've earned it - after all, that pre-order process was NOT a pleasant experience.
I was sat there on my bed like a surgical operation was about to commence. The laptop right in front of me, open. The iPad next to me with the Apple app open (using a different connection, just in case), the iPhone right in front of me using a third connection.
And three cards next to me so I could grab another if I got the dreaded 'declined' message for any reason.
And yet, it still took 40 minutes because the world's most valuable technology company couldn't get its website up to scratch.
No other company in the world could make me want to buy two of its devices without having seen them in the flesh, knowing that one would go back anyway. I've no idea what it is that made me want to do that – perhaps it was that ever-growing 'missing out' feeling that social media rams down our throats, expanded to the notion I might not get something I like as soon as possible.
Even now, I know how this makes me look. I'm not saying this is a critical problem in my life, but this is what happened when a new thing you want becomes available.
Such is the problem of the fanboy that I'm spending money I don't have in the hope I can return one and solve the problem. A fool and his money, eh? If they'd never invented smartphones, my bank balance would be a lot happier these days.