Yes, a lightsaber pizza cutter exists, and 12 other ridiculous Star Wars products
The Force Awakens merchandise bonanza
The hype surrounding Star Wars: The Force Awakens reached a fever pitch long ago, and now with the movie releasing worldwide in a few short days, we can barely contain ourselves.
The marketing machine has been strong with the new film, and it extends far, far beyond toys, clothes and gadgets that have anything to do with the franchise. We've seen nearly every product under the sun become Star Wars-ified: an innocent trip to the store is now an adventure in discovering what else has been branded for the light or dark side.
We've gathered up some of the most ridiculous Star Wars branding and products we've seen in the slides that follow. But because I know how Star Wars crazy you really are, I've included links to purchase some of the products, too.
If you've had your own sighting of merch run amok, let us know! Even better: post a photo if you snapped one. And hey, I'm not passing judgment: there's no harm in your favorite mac n' cheese looking for a slice of the intergalactic pie.
Disposable water bottles
I was roaming around Home Depot last weekend when something caught my eye: towers of disposable water bottles wrapped in plastic packaging adorned with C-3PO, R2-D2 and BB-8. The packaging was cute, but I couldn't help thinking how out of place it felt in a gritty home improvement store. I imagined some hardened contractors laden with lumber shouting, "Hey, Don, grab a case of water! Yeah, the one with the robots on it!"
Volvic has taken Star Wars-themed H2O containment to a whole new level. The company has a line of "collectible" mineral water bottles in five character designs: a Stormtrooper, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Boba Fett and C-3PO. Those in the UK may have seen the sippers at one of the over 2,000 stores where they were available. Did you collect them all?
Dog toys
Even Rover needs to show off his Star Wars fandom. Techradar contributor Farrha Khan snapped this pic of stuffed Star Wars dog toys at Petco. While it may be a little traumatizing to see Yoda ripped to shreds, watching Darth get what's coming to him in the jaws of your pooch sounds oh-so satisfying.
- Find Star Wars pet toys
Coffee creamer
Like a little Chewie in your coffee? Or a dram of R2? Nestle Coffee Mate has created a whole line of Star Wars-themed creamers designed to put a galactic kick in your cup of Joe. You can add a taste of Chewbacca (spiced latte), a smooth sip of C-3PO (hazelnut), a bright bounce of R2-D2 (French vanilla), a charming brew of Boba Fett (Italian sweet cream), or, indulge your dark side with Darth Vader (espresso chocolate).
- Keep an eye on Target for Star Wars coffee creamer supplies
Cereal, soup and more
Nearly every major movie franchise features some branding crossover into the stuff we put in our mouths, but it feels like Star Wars: The Force Awakens has taken over the food aisle. From soup and cereal to mac n' cheese and ice cream, you can literally eat your way across the galaxy. I bet it tastes delicious.
(Credit: ThinkGeek)
Kitchenware
You'll need items to cook up and eat all this Star Wars food with, right? Sure, you can eat out of Star Wars bowls and off of Star Wars plates, then wash it all down with a drink from a Star Wars cup. But that's the obvious stuff: how about an X-wing knife block, a talking lightsaber pizza cutter and a Death Star tea infuser?
My personal favorite is an R2-D2 measuring cup and spoon set. R2 disassembles into four measuring cups, while its arms and legs become measuring spoons. It also bleeps when your oven is preheated, and is just freaking adorable.
This is only the surface of the Star Wars kitchen catalogue. You can dive even deeper to find cutting boards, shot glasses and more Death Star spatulas than you could ever use in a lifetime.
- Find the R2-D2 measuring cups, X-wing knife block, lightsaber pizza cutter and tea infuser on Amazon
Death Star waffle maker
ThinkGeek, the purveyor of many of these fine Star Wars goods, is sadly sold out of the Death Star waffle maker. Supplies won't replenish until February 2016, well after the movie has come out but maybe in time for your fourth or fifth viewing.
However, you may have luck on Amazon, so I suggest heading there now before you really do end up on the Dark side because you can't find one.
The product delivers exactly what it promises, and at least you'll have it raring to go for Episode VIII.
Darth Vader and R2-D2 shower heads
I can think of a thousand things more relaxing than taking a shower under Darth Vader, but to each their own. Thankfully, if you don't feel like scrubbing up under Vader, there's an R2-D2 shower head available on Amazon as well. Though that might ruin your childhood, too.
- Choose either the R2-D2 and Darth Vader shower heads, or get one of each
Millennium Falcon bed
Kids today have way more well-crafted merch than I ever did, and this Millennium Falcon bed from Pottery Barn is about as snazzy as it comes. It's fully decked out to resemble Han's ship, and should provide little Timmy or Sally hours of fun (sans sleep). Fine, I admit it: If Pottery Barn made it just a few feet bigger, I'd be all over this bed.
- Check it out at Pottery Barn
R2-D2 suitcase
If you're a Star Wars fan and don't care who knows it, this is the suitcase for you. You'll definitely turn heads if you're rushing through the airport with R2 trailing behind you. I can't imagine it being broken out for business trips, but if you're heading to Disneyland or another family vacay, this suitcase would fit right in.
CoverGirl makeup
What do Star Wars and CoverGirl makeup have to do with each other? Nothing. Did an entire Star Wars: The Force Awakens CoverGirl collection happen anyway? Of course it did. Stephen Colbert lampooned the makeup mashup perfectly on The Late Show, which you can view below. In the immortal words of the Jedi, "may the forced marketing integration be with you."
Star Wars comfy throws
Lounging around your house in regular clothes is super boring, so grab one of these "comfy throws" for maximum comfort and maximum self-Star Wars-ification. The throws will … transform you into a Storm Trooper, Darth Vader and Chewbacca. I can't say this is the sexiest item in the universe, but at least you'll be warm.
- Will you be Darth Vader, a Storm Trooper or Chewbacca? Amazon has 'em all
Darth Vader toaster
Darth Vader probably liked his toast as black as his soul, but you can decide how crispy you want your bread with this themed toaster. Aside from looking like the dark lord, it also burns the Star Wars logo onto your bread (or frozen waffle or hamburger bun). There's still time before Christmas to gift this to the Star Wars nut in your life.
(Credit: @UbiJustin/Twitter)
Oranges
These Star Wars-packed oranges are so ridiculous, they deserve their own slide. I guess Vitamin C is important for rebels and imperials alike, but to have the audacity to brand these as having anything to do with Star Wars speaks to the power of the Disney marketing machine. The Sphero BB-8 droid on the packaging is at least the right shape, but this is one instance of Force Awakens marketing gone way too far.
Michelle was previously a news editor at TechRadar, leading consumer tech news and reviews. Michelle is now a Content Strategist at Facebook. A versatile, highly effective content writer and skilled editor with a keen eye for detail, Michelle is a collaborative problem solver and covered everything from smartwatches and microprocessors to VR and self-driving cars.