Hooray then for the parallel world of weird tech, where the closest to mainstream we get is the shock news that the Jesus Phone (that's the iPhone to you and me) comes preloaded with more swearwords than your average Dr Dre album. (No support for 'Zune' though.)
But it's not been all bad for Bill Gates - despite the attention lavished on the iPhone, his sperm was this week voted the second-most-wanted by Chinese women. Consolation indeed for a man who has just lost the title of world's wealthiest person.
Need for speed
Tongue-controlled wheelchairs could be racing up and down the country by the end of the year, if US company Think-A-Move has anything to do with it. Apparently it's developed a device that can detect ear-pressure changes resulting from tongue movement.
And all that extra traffic on our roads means just one thing: an even greater need for the proposed Oops I'm Late smartphone application.
This was the most dangerous thing we saw all week - even worse than the ' How to Cook Hot Dogs Via Electrocution ' guide, or the pensioner using a live First World War German shell as a doorstop. It knows every meeting you've got in your diary and it can see you. It then works out how late you're going to be and automatically dobs you in by text. Oops I've Lost My Job: you've been warned.
It turns out that the men behind Steorn's Orbo 'free energy' machine are, in fact, mere mortals after all. Despite triumphing the laws of physics, the world was denied visual proof after the exhibition became terminally thwarted by " technical difficulties ". Did someone say "too good to be true"?