5 tips to help BlackBerry make its phones 'cool' again

Cool hunting: 5 tips to help BlackBerry make its new phones cool
"Cool cool cool"

What is cool? How do we become cool? Why is what was cool a minute ago now uncool and when will it be cool again? How do we make it cool again? Should we sponsor Coachella? Is the iPhone still cool? Shall we make one of those? Are there any chocolate biscuits left?

This is just a selection of questions probably raised during BlackBerry's latest top level phone planning meeting, where execs probably got together to decide what the next BlackBerry phone should be like. So far, there's just one criteria on the table: "It's really about creating the next cool phones," according to CEO John Chen.

But BlackBerry hasn't had a great deal of success in the 'cool' arena lately. Obviously, TechRadar has. Let's help them out:

1. Don't make a slider phone

Slider phones are the equivalent of your dad dancing. They're taking a briefcase to school. They're dress shoes without socks. They're spinach in your teeth. They're falling over on the bus. They're realising you don't know the words when you're already singing along really loudly. They're people who make "but what about international MEN'S day" jokes. They're the worst.

BlackBerry slider

2. Make a flip phone instead

Flip phones are back. With smartphones it's all the features all the time, but the flip phone philosophy is that less is more. Anna Wintour, arch overlord of the fashion world and Keeper Of All Things Cool, has one and 'millennials' are following suit. A sure-fire winner.

3. Don't hire Drake again

Even Drake gets that Drake won't be cool forever, and by the time you've finished designing and making your cool new phone, he'll be gone. Try a different Canadian. Google 'who is the coolest Canadian' and pick whoever comes up first.

4. Make a phone with LASERS

Lasers will never not be cool and there's probably some tie-in potential with The Force Awakens, too. Look, we've basically mapped out the entire marketing strategy here. There's really no excuse not to do this.

5. Put a pin in the phone thing

Have you thought about starting a band? Bands are cool.

News Editor (UK)

Former UK News Editor for TechRadar, it was a perpetual challenge among the TechRadar staff to send Kate (Twitter, Google+) a link to something interesting on the internet that she hasn't already seen. As TechRadar's News Editor (UK), she was constantly on the hunt for top news and intriguing stories to feed your gadget lust. Kate now enjoys life as a renowned music critic – her words can be found in the i Paper, Guardian, GQ, Metro, Evening Standard and Time Out, and she's also the author of 'Amy Winehouse', a biography of the soul star.