You used to play videogames all night. Your Quake prowess was unmatched; your skills at Command & Conquer unparalleled. You have a gaming history that stretches back beyond the PlayStation generation to the SNES, Megadrive, Amiga and ZX Spectrum. You were there at the dawn of gaming.
Tick-tock... Time passes. You've quietly come to realise that you're not the hard-core gamer you used to be. Even your Xbox 360 Gamertag seems far too 'sensible'. How do you know that a mid-life gaming crisis is setting in? Watch out for these warning signs…
You prefer playing against the computer
Online gaming against real people has become depressing – it exposes your faded, spoon-sharp reflexes and you abhor the trash-talk from 12-year old fanboys. You prefer playing offline against the computer because a game's algorithms are slightly more predictable. And, once you master the scripted patterns of play, you stand a real chance of being good… of actually winning. And that feels great, doesn't it? Ranking second-bottom on a multiplayer leader board doesn't.
You only play when your girlfriend is out
Because you only have one high-def TV and to play videogames on it while she's at home is 'selfish' and not something the two of you can do 'together'.

You believe that winning isn't everything
It's the taking part that counts. Obviously. And that's not because you're not good at games. You are. But you've found that there's more to life than spending five hours every night killing all of the Templars in Assassin’s Creed. The fact that you can't find the last three Templars is irrelevant.
It's been days, not hours since you last switched on your console
Because things keep getting in the way: TV, movies, books, going out to restaurants, shopping, going down the pub, DIY, dinner parties, the gym, more DIY, your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend [delete as applicable]… oh, and having a job.

You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation
So you lie about why you’re there. "It’s, ahem, my son's birthday. I'd like to trade these in for Guitar Hero please…"
You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally
Being a more 'mature' gamer means you have more disposable income, so you can afford the luxury of owning a PS3 and an Xbox 360. So you've become the gaming equivalent of the United Nations, calming accepting the virtues of both consoles to the deaf ears of Xbox zealots and Sony fanboys (who simply ignore you and carry on their slanging match regardless). Because when you stare at those side-by-side game comparison shots on CVG, you can't see the difference. Maybe the PS3 palette is lighter… maybe… Of course, your eyesight could be failing…

You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming
You lament the current glut of videogame sequels and often talk fondly of an innovative 'golden age' of gaming. You remember Manic Miner, good ‘ol Chuckie Egg and the Ultimate games on the ZX Spectrum. You played Sensible Soccer the first time around on the Amiga, Elite on your mate’s BBC B, and finished Sonic The Hedgehog on the Megadrive. Happy days… But when modernised versions of these gaming classics turn up on Xbox Live, your excitement quickly evaporates. You quickly realise that, by today’s standards, those cherished oldies are now shallow, repetitive and not much fun.
You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort
There's no denying that the Nintendo Wii is a revolutionary games machine but… well, it does require a lot of effort. Aren't there times when you just want to slouch into a comfy sofa with a traditional joypad? Times when you can't be arsed with all that wiimote waving and waggling? It's way too energetic – a 20 minute bowling session in Wii Sports is almost akin to a full workout.

Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die... spawn, run, die... spawn…
The reflexes that served you so well in GoldenEye and Quake seem to be two seconds slower than everybody else these days. You think 'fire', 'jump', 'spin', 'run', 'collect spinny power-up', but your fingers press 'fire' (and pause), 'fire' (and pause), 'spin' and… no, I actually meant 'jump', and – oh, I’m dead. Either you're slowing down, or today's hard-core gamerati are faster than you ever were.
You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable
Anyone for a game of Carcassonne tonight? The wife's out until 10pm and I'll be online after I've had my dinner…

You've pre-ordered GTA IV but don't mind if it doesn't turn up on launch day
Wednesday's just fine. Really. You're a bit busy at the moment, anyway. In fact, you probably won't get a chance to play GTA IV until the weekend. You're also not bothered by the prospect of downloading the DLC for GTA IV either. You'll never finish the main game anyway.










Your comments (31) Click to add a new comment
slammer5565
December 13th 2011
31. When I abandoned my idea of a gaming chair that incorporated a Porta-Potty and actually bought a console, I knew I was done as a serious gamer.
I've considered a girlfriend, and realized it would likely **** my wife off, so i abandoned that idea also.
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liqmaticus
August 18th 2010
30. Colonoscopy or Starcraft 2? Hmmm... I'll have to think about that one. I also find myself visiting gog.com way too much lately. At least I got to see, first hand, the golden age of video games rise from the ashes in the late 1970s. A very exciting time indeed.
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american_slave_indc
April 29th 2010
29. That's it. I quit. You can't talk to me like that. I'm never playing again.
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relentlessstu
June 1st 2009
28. This is a mean, mean, MEAN article ! you have summed up more or less my exact gamer lifestyle! I was once a hardcore gamer and now.. now I'm not !! i am no longer relentless, I'm just err stu ...
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spiny
January 17th 2009
27. so, so busted :)
(42)
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emanlaer
May 20th 2008
26. dang. that's tears it. you know you are getting old when you are pretty sure you beat the last GTA titles...but have this unsettling notion.. that maybe you didn't cuz you can't quite remember the ending... sigh.
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copabooey
May 15th 2008
25. I'm closing in on the big 5-0 and still play whenever I can. Although I suck badly as most games, I find it an enjoyable way to pass the time when weather prohibits me from playing outdoors.
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willm235
May 14th 2008
24. well I am 17 and already starting to experience these signs oh well I guess getting laid every night is better than being good at halo
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able
May 1st 2008
23. The Golden Age of games isn't the days of sloppy PAL ports of SNES games, or any thing as trivial (on its own as Sonic on the Mega Drive/Genesis), but the true Golden Age is happening right now.
The rest of the list is trivial, we get old, some of you breed, some don't, we would have to adopt if we wanted some insanity. ;)
Besides, my PC is also one of my gaming machines, and the 1st rule of Scouts: Have DS (or PSP), will travel.
Last, one cannot define oneself as hardcore, that is a description the one must earn. .. I cannot call myself hardcore because games are my main interest as way of spending time, with or without my partner, but I wouldn't base a human to be a hardcore gamer on skill alone. Those who don't know their history of gamesters and whatnot, even simple things like how Nintendo was at a time a third party.
Let us face it, kids have more free time than they think they do, their brains have more wiggle room than our compressed 33 year old brains, and they don't have carpal tunnel syndrome yet.
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benthemixmaster
April 30th 2008
22. This is Horrid.
I have lost all meaning in my life...
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piotrr
April 29th 2008
21. Less on the first, more of the latter. These aren't signs that you're "no longer a hard-core gamer", they're signs that you're 30.
Girlfriend? You mean you haven't married yet?
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piotrr
April 29th 2008
20. Less on the first, more of the latter. These aren't signs that you're "no longer a hard-core gamer", they're signs that you're 30.
Girlfriend? You mean you haven't married yet?
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porcelina
April 29th 2008
19. "You only play when your girlfriend is out"
....Because girls don't like videogames. I know I don't. *SARCASM*
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reload
April 28th 2008
18. Oh dear it looks like my Gaming Prime has well and truely peaked.
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jimwatson
April 28th 2008
17. You only play when your girlfriend is out
"Because you only have one high-def TV and to play videogames on it while she's at home is 'selfish' and not something the two of you can do 'together'"
Arrgh, I think you've nailed it with this one, solution, go out and buy another HD TV and scrap the nursery plans for the spare room - hmm wish I was that brave!
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swagger
April 27th 2008
16. 12th and #1 sign you're no longer a hardcore gamer.
You use a console to game.
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zoydwheeler
April 25th 2008
15. Yes, it was great, IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD NINETEEN NINETY, but right now it just doesn't wash. I'd rather have a Wii.
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calcio
April 25th 2008
14. Zoyd - you're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Sensi was one of the all time greats.
Get back in your (x)box.
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zoydwheeler
April 25th 2008
13. There has never been 'a golden age of gaming' only ever 'a golden age of being young' - that's why shit games like Sensi and Speedball 2 are still fondly remembered. Did you actually PLAY the XBLA versions of either of those 2 games? For more than 2 minutes before you realised it was ABOS ('A bag of....')... Did you?
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