'How does it know where my mouse is?'

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BT's list of stupidest consumer questions

Sometimes, even reading the instruction manual doesn't help with computer problems...

It comes as no surprise that many people are confused by tech jargon, and feel apprehensive when it comes to understanding new technology. Thank heavens that IT support staff are available when you come across a computer-related problem.

BT has issued a top 10 list of quirky computer 'problems' that customers who phoned its Home IT Advisor helpdesk have had. So here's some Friday afternoon fun:

  • Customer: "My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in." Advisor: "Has he forgotten it?" Customer: "No, he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him."
  • Advisor: "Press any key to continue." Customer: "I can't find the 'Any' key."
  • Advisor: "Can you click on 'My Computer'?" Customer: "I don't have your computer, just mine."
  • Advisor: "You have spyware on your machine, which is causing the problem." Customer: "Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?"
  • Customer: "I have lost my work." Advisor: "Let's see if we can get your documents back for you?" Customer: "You don't understand, I've lost my job and I want to get on to the internet to find a new one."
  • Customer: "My mouse mat isn't wired up." Advisor: "I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires." Customer: "Well, how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?"
  • Customer: "I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me." Advisor: "I'll remove them for you." Customer: "How do I get them back when she's not in?"
  • Customer: "I met a man on the internet - can you give me his phone number?"
  • Customer: "How do I change channel on my monitor?" Advisor: "Your monitor won't have channels like a TV." Customer: "But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel."
  • Customer: "My internet isn't working." Advisor: "What modem are you using, is everything connected up?" Customer: "No, I haven't taken the computer or the modem out of their boxes yet!"

The words spare, a, thought, for, IT, support, and staff spring to mind...

Anna Lagerkvist