Google says Mac users are douchebags and Ballmer is an idiot

Some people believe that eventually computers will become smarter than humans.

We reckon it's happened already.

It turns out that Google Suggest, the little pop-up box of search suggestions, holds the answers to some of the burniest burning questions of our age.

So what can it tell us about the world of tech?

Google's no fan of fanboys

Mac fanatics, you appear to have an image problem: your kit might be shiny and your operating system smooth, but it seems that the owners aren't loved quite as much as their computers.

Google on mac users

Google isn't a gamer

To some, World of Warcraft is the pinnacle of entertainment, an online extravaganza that repays the massive amount of time and money players put into it. To Google Suggest, it's crap, boring and for losers. We couldn't possibly comment.

Google warcraft

Google can't get a 3G signal either

It seems that Google loves third generation mobile phone networks as much as we do. 3G, as we can see, is slow, is not working, is not working on the iPhone… you get the idea.

Google 3g

Google hates right back

When it comes to Google haters, few people are more hatey than Microsoft's famously hot-headed boss. But it looks like Google's throwing the love right back at Mister Monkey Dance: look what pops up right at the top of the Google Suggest box. Don't tell us that isn't entirely intentional.

Google ballmer

Google likes open source

Searching for software-related terms tends to bring up loads of support-related queries, and Firefox is no exception – but what do we have here at the bottom? Yep, it's the pure, unvarnished truth: Firefox is, indeed, better than Internet Explorer.

Google firefox

Google is on top of the tech news

Mere moments after Amazon announced an international version of its Kindle ebook reader, Google Suggest was on the case. As hardware reviews go, it's hardly a glowing endorsement.

Google kindle

Google knows the answer to life…

If you'd asked us to bet on whether Google would know the answer to life, the universe and everything, we'd have gladly taken your money. Of course it knows, because everybody does: the answer is 42. As every good Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy reader will tell you, the answer's easy. It's the question that's hard.

Google meaning of life

…but it doesn't know what the question is

If the answer is 42, then the question must be "who owns the fish?". We're not feeling that one. And "the question is the answer" doesn't do it for us either.

Google the question

Google knows that privacy matters

If you do the "X is" trick with any famous person, you'll get loads of results – unless you do it with a certain Larry Page, or Sergey Brin, or Vint Cerf. Google would no doubt claim that the lack of Google Suggest results for key Google staffers is because nobody's searching for "Larry Page is", "Sergey Brin is" or "Vint Cerf is". But they would say that, wouldn't they?

Google conspiracy

Google says that Google is good

It's not just Google executives that seem to be protected from the awesome power of Google Suggest: Google itself appears to get away scot-free too. There's no doubt which answer Google wants you to take away from this one, as "Google is your friend" gets an incredible 353 million results. Google is your friend? All together now: they would say that, wouldn't they?

Google is good

Carrie Marshall

Writer, broadcaster, musician and kitchen gadget obsessive Carrie Marshall (Twitter) has been writing about tech since 1998, contributing sage advice and odd opinions to all kinds of magazines and websites as well as writing more than a dozen books. Her memoir, Carrie Kills A Man, is on sale now. She is the singer in Glaswegian rock band HAVR.