With Twitter users falling victim to yet another simple phishing scam, the Government has decided to take action.

From later this year, all UK internet users will need to apply for an Internet Licence and provide its unique number to their ISP.

No licence, no login details. The good news is it's going to be pretty easy, as this leaked copy of the questions shows.

APPLICATION for a UK INTERNET LICENCE

Please write in CAPITALS and in BLACK INK ONLY

1. You receive an email from Dr House, star of the TV programme House. You may have a horrible disease that is not Lupus, but he can diagnose you: just strip naked and do a sexy dance in front of your webcam. Do you:

a) Strip off and shake it like a Polaroid picture. It's House!
b) Send the email to all of your friends to make them jealous. It's House!
c) Refuse, because everyone knows House would get one of his team to send the email?

2. "Benk if Amerika" emails to ask for your personal details, even though you don't bank with Bank of America or know any Americans. Do you:

a) Click on the link immediately and fill out 27 screens of intrusive personal questions?
b) Moan about outsourcing and staff who don't speak proper English before filling out 27 screens of intrusive personal questions?
c) Wonder why they're emailing you again when you already did this last week?

3. You want to use Facebook. Do you:

a) Type Facebook Login into Google, ignore all the obvious signs that the first site in the search results isn't Facebook, and post your mobile phone number so that technical support can call you back?
b) Type Facebook Login into Google, ignore all the obvious signs that the first site in the search results isn't Facebook, and leave increasingly irate comments such as OMG THIS SITE SUCKS I HATE YOU ALL?
c) Go to Facebook?

4. Somebody on the internet has a different opinion to you. Do you:

a) Embark on a year-long hate campaign, recruiting entire armies of people to say nasty things wherever they go online, complaining to every conceivable organisation and occasionally posting scary things to their home address?
b) Compare them to Hitler, because saying they think iPhones are quite expensive is JUST LIKE THE NAZIS?
c) Get over it?

5. The internet enables you to contact anybody from minor pop stars to figures such as the Archbishop of Canterbury. What is the correct way to begin an email to the Archbishop?

a) Archie! OMG! WTF! LOL!
b) I am Mariam Abacha, widow of the late Nigerian head of state, gen. Sani Abacha…
c) Your Grace,

6. You would like to run a powerful and expensive computer program on your PC. Do you:

a) Find a reputable source of branded software downloads that is both secure and legal, such as Pirate Pete's Porn And Warez Pix. Dot com.
b) Buy it on eBay, saving 99% on the RRP, and wonder when Microsoft started writing its CD labels in marker pen.
c) Buy it from a shop you've actually heard of.

7. The managing director of your company, a remote and rather intimidating man, has emailed you MEGAN_FOX_NAKED_JPG.EXE. Do you:

a) Chuckle "now *that's* what I call a morale booster!" and double-click on the attachment?
b) Grumble at the assumption being made about your sexuality... and then double-click on the attachment?
c) Tut. How old does he think you are? Fourteen?

8. Microsoft will soon introduce a browser choice screen in EU versions of Windows, enabling you to choose a web browser from a range of options. Which one would you choose?

a) Internet Explorer. Millions of people can't be wrong!
b) Chrome. Google really cares about my personal privacy.
c) None of them. I don't wait for the finals - I use the nightly milestone builds.

9. If you forward this email to all of your friends, Bill Gates will give you a hundred dollars. Do you:

a) Forward the email to everyone you've ever heard of, including your bank details so Bill knows where to send the payment?
b) Think it sounds like a scam, but forward it to everyone you've ever heard of, just in case?
c) Email the sender and ask them why the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.

10. With so many cyber-criminals out there, it's very important to choose a strong password for security. Which is best?

a) 123456. I hope I don't forget it, like I did with all the other ones!
b) Password. It's a double-bluff: nobody's so stupid they'd use Password as a password, so the villains won't try it.
c) I'm not telling you.

Scoring:
MOSTLY As: FAIL
MOSTLY Bs: FAIL
MOSTLY Cs: WIN

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