Jaguar Land Rover has today announced what it's billing as the 'self-learning intelligent car of the future'.
Disguised as vaporware but actually comprising real-life technology that definitely works, it's a new in-car intelligence system designed to reduce driver distraction by anticipating your every thought and auto-performing your in-car activities so you don't have to bother.
It starts with basic car set up, where the car recognises you and your passengers as you approach and sets internal temperatures as well as seat and steering wheel positions according to your personal preferences.
It will look at your calendar and learn your schedule, anticipate your journeys and give you a nudge to leave a bit early if there's traffic en route.
Knowing me, knowing you
And it'll also do things like automatically choose music according to your passenger's personal preferences.
So if you take your daughter to trumpet classes every Thursday at 7.30pm, it'll know to fire up the Miles Davis playlist on the way before auto-switching back to BBC Radio Boring once you've dropped her off.
It'll use your calendar to work out where you're driving to and deliver navigation and traffic guidance, and if you're running late it'll offer to message your contacts to let them know you
stopped off for a coffee are running late.
Meanwhile, if you regularly call Gary on a Wednesday evening while driving home from badminton, it'll offer to connect the call for you, after first engaging the climate control to blowdry the sweaty legs it knows you have.
And while your car sits outside in the snow the next morning, if it thinks you're delaying leaving for work it will hassle you to get out of the house by sending annoying messages to your smartphone.
"The aim of our self-learning technology is to minimise driver distraction, which will help reduce the risk of accidents. Presenting the driver with information just at the right time whilst driving will reduce both cognitive distraction and the need for the driver to look away from the road to scroll through phone lists, or adjust mirrors, temperature or seat functions while on the road." Said Dr Wolfgang Epple, Director of Research and Technology for Jaguar Land Rover
"Up until now most self-learning car research has only focussed on traffic or navigation prediction. We want to take this a significant step further and our new learning algorithm means information learnt about you will deliver a completely personalised driving experience and enhance driving pleasure."
New Hud technology
The company also today revealed its new 'Jaguar Virtual Windscreen' heads-up display. Utilising the entire windscreen, the new HUD can display a 3D image of an instrument cluster so you don't have to take your eyes off the road.
"We are working on research projects that will give the driver better information to enhance the driving experience. By presenting the highest quality imagery possible, a driver need only look at a display once. Showing virtual images that allow the driver to accurately judge speed and distance will enable better decision-making and offer real benefits for every day driving on the road, or the track," said Epple.
Jaguar thinks the best use of this technology is to display 'the racing line' on the road ahead, allowing you to drive as fast as possible, while also projecting 'ghost cars' to race against (TechRadar endorses responsible driving).
Whether any of this technology will ever make its way into a vehicle remains to be seen. Whether it's in any way necessary or even works at all is certainly open to question.
But you can't deny that Land Rover has been coming up with some pretty interesting ways of selling cars lately. Even if the main ingredient is vaporware.
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