Skip to main content
Tech Radar TechRadar the technology experts
Sign in
  • View Profile
  • Sign out
RSS
Asia
flag of Singapore
Singapore
Europe
flag of Danmark
Danmark
flag of Suomi
Suomi
flag of Norge
Norge
flag of Sverige
Sverige
flag of UK
UK
flag of Italia
Italia
flag of Nederland
Nederland
flag of België (Nederlands)
België (Nederlands)
flag of France
France
flag of Deutschland
Deutschland
flag of España
España
North America
flag of US (English)
US (English)
flag of Canada
Canada
flag of México
México
Australasia
flag of Australia
Australia
flag of New Zealand
New Zealand
  • Phones
  • Computing
  • TVs
  • AI
  • Streaming
  • Health
  • Audio
  • VPN
  • More
    • Cameras
    • Home
    • News
    • Reviews
    • Opinion
    • How to
    • Versus
    • Deals
    • Coupons
    • Best
Tech Radar Pro
Tech Radar Gaming
Trending
  • Amazon Prime Day
  • Back to school
  • Nintendo Switch 2
  • Best VPN
  • ChatGPT
  • NYT Wordle today
  • Best laptop
  • Best web hosting
Recommended reading
TP-Link EAP772-Outdoor IP68 Wireless WIFI7 Access Point
Pro TP-Link has launched a Wi-Fi 7 router that can be immersed in water, but I've got a one question - Why?
man using voip headset talking to customer
Pro 40 years ago, the FCC opened the 2.4 GHz spectrum and it kickstarted an invisible, wireless revolution
Tired computer user.
Artificial Intelligence From novelty to nuisance: The AI revolution no one wanted is sweeping all before it
A woman holding a Nik Bentel speaker bag and a mixer bag, almost like earrings, wearing a half-and-half monochrome dress, in front of a navy curtain
Hi-Fi I just found my next wearable hi-fi fix, and it’s not a pair of over-ear headphones
Man sitting on sofa using smartphone while robot vacuum cleans the floor
Smart Home What exactly is a smart home? 3 things you need to know to get started
Person using smartphone app to control various smart home devices
Smart Plugs 11 great uses for a smart plug: upgrade all the 'dumb' devices in your home for an easier life
A frustrated man looking at his phone with a wireless router in the foreground
Wi-Fi & Broadband Experts warn of heatwave danger to routers, so act now before summer kicks in and temperatures could really soar – to the point that kills your Wi-Fi
  1. Tech

Why on earth do these things have Wi-Fi built into them?

News
By Gary Cutlack published 5 November 2015

The world really doesn't need a Wi-Fi bike

When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.

Why-Fi?

Why-Fi?

Wi-Fi is everywhere, and it's usually useful. It's usually so very useful, in fact, that we all know where to stand to get the best signals, where to connect to it for free and have memorised previously impossible to remember strings of letters and numbers - some even including varying levels of upper and lower case - to connect to the Wi-Fi of friends, relatives, and that offered by some of the more welcoming pubs.

It is, in short, a modern lifeline to the fun world of the internet, giving us escape from boring conversations, people and situations, adding the thrill of slagging off TV while it's happening to every housebound evening, keeping our apps fresh, and generally meaning there's always something to look at and do as long as we have a thing that's connected to it.

But Wi-Fi's ubiquity has sometimes misfired. The tech makers, ever keen to add "Wi-Fi? [TICK/YES]" to their products' lists of feature, have gone too far in some cases, adding connecticvity where it's not needed, for the benefit of no one.

In the world of kitchen technology, for example, there's no place for Wi-Fi. Same with the bathroom. And the garden. And… lots of places, in fact. These places.

Page 1 of 12
Page 1 of 12
The Wi-Fi Fridge

The Wi-Fi Fridge

Not only does everyone laugh at the concept of the Internet connected fridge and use it as a totem of extreme tech stupidity... they're still being made. Today.

Literally right now, a production line worker is setting the default password on a Samsung WiFi fridge, wondering what sort of idiot is going to be buying it. Samsung and LG are fighting to make it seem useful rather than infuriating to have your fridge tell you things you don't want to hear, like the dread news that your milk's maybe turned.

One more password to clog your brain.

Page 2 of 12
Page 2 of 12
The Wi-Fi Running Shoes

The Wi-Fi Running Shoes

Back in 2008, when Wi-Fi was, well, not new or exciting and even your mum knew WPA was more secure than WEP, agencies working with some of the money Nike makes from selling bits of rubber at vast RRPs put Wi-Fi into a shoe.

The reason someone might aspire to owning a pair of Wi-Fi Nike Dunks? The three lights light up a bit under varying Wi-Fi signal strengths. Different colours and everything. Technically clever, functionally pointless. Financially ruinous.

Page 3 of 12
Page 3 of 12
The Wi-Fi Washing Machine

The Wi-Fi Washing Machine

You can "...just keep an eye on your washing's progress" with the Samsung WW9000 series washing machine, thanks to its Wi-Fi connectivity and associated app. Imagine that.

Imagine being at work, say, and being able to open up an app on your phone and watch your washing machine status, live.

You could perhaps even set up an IP camera to watch it go round at the same time. You'd be closer to the heart of the wash than ever before.

Page 4 of 12
Page 4 of 12
The Wi-Fi Kettle

The Wi-Fi Kettle

Or the - brace yourselves - iKettle. When anyone tells you that the "internet of things" is going to be great, show them this and tell them it obviously won't.

The selling point of this Wi-Fi kettle that a company actually made is that you can save minutes by "pre-boiling" your kettle remotely via the internet, although if you have nothing better to do than talk to your sodding KETTLE and have it offer to boil itself when it location-senses you've come home, spare minutes are likely to be something you have in abundance.

Page 5 of 12
Page 5 of 12
The Wi-Fi Pet Camera

The Wi-Fi Pet Camera

We had to spend several minutes ascertaining whether or not Petcube was a joke, but with iOS and Android apps to handle live TWO-WAY voice streaming between pet camera and owner's phone via home Wi-Fi, it's surely way too expensive to be pretend or a long-running April Fool joke.

The idea is that people for whom watching washing machines go round remotely has become boring, this might make life worth living again by letting them watch an animal - creating reason #197 why you need to pick your phone up again despite having only put it down 45 seconds ago.

Page 6 of 12
Page 6 of 12
The Wi-Fi Bathroom Scales

The Wi-Fi Bathroom Scales

Bathroom scales with WiFi.

Come complete with 25 self-pitying messages to automatically post on social media when it senses your weight inexorably rising through the years and the telltale vibrations of the heaving sobs of a crying person who PROMISED to lose weight a couple of months ago, read as "Oh god, the wedding is in only 10 days" and "I'll just wear a t-shirt for the duration of the holiday."

Page 7 of 12
Page 7 of 12
The Wi-Fi Bike

The Wi-Fi Bike

The second generation Picycle electric bike had Wi-Fi inside it, allowing the makers to spy on its maintenance issues, its users to channel travel stats to a smartphone, and to let its sad owner track thieves merrily riding it about town and bouncing from free hotspot to free hotspot when it goes missing.

It can also transfer ambient temperature data to your smartphone, in what's little more than a tragic waste of data; data that could've been used for something much more worthwhile, like letting neglected orphans hear music for the first time or watch a funny video of a cat.

Page 8 of 12
Page 8 of 12
The Wi-Fi Mirror

The Wi-Fi Mirror

The Posh iMirror was a Kickstarter punt that eventually came good, if you consider selling a Wi-Fi bathroom mirror to be a force for good rather that a focus point for all that is evil in the world.

The maker's own web site seems unable to explain what it's for, though, with the best bets being to serve adverts to bored people regretting going on a cruise holiday and now just seeing out the next 15 days in their cabin.

So it's a tablet. Screwed to the wall. Who wants to stand up to see adverts? That's what hell is like.

Page 9 of 12
Page 9 of 12
The Wi-Fi Garden Lights

The Wi-Fi Garden Lights

If you're old enough to own a house, congratulations. Congratulations also on probably being rich enough to afford unnecessary WiFi things to put in the garden, so you can sit on your L-shaped sofa and turn the lights on and off for no reason other than to impress visiting guests.

The flaw being it's cold in the garden when it's dark, and also a bit scary if you live somewhere urban (burglars) or somewhere rural (monsters, murderers), so they're really of as much use as the blunt mower in the shed that the last lot of burglars rejected.

Page 10 of 12
Page 10 of 12
The Wi-Fi Door Handle

The Wi-Fi Door Handle

The RemoteLock 6i offers "...remote control of your door lock over the internet from your PC or smartphone," a feature we can only imagine being of use in three scenarios; to unlock animal enclosures in zoos at breakfast time, to lock animal enclosures at bed time, and to keep children out of the room with the telly in so you can be a good dad from the pub.

Apart from that, it's more expensive and less versatile than securing your home with boards and nails.

Page 11 of 12
Page 11 of 12
The Wi-Fi Clothes

The Wi-Fi Clothes

There's a t-shirt being sold with Wi-Fi credentials, existing under the pretence that it's useful for locating Wi-Fi signals.

The real reason they're being sold is so that the Illuminati can track the wearers and easily stick them into prisons come the revolution, although that's not specifically mentioned in the Amazon listing.

If you get one of these for Christmas, burn it and RUN.

Page 12 of 12
Page 12 of 12
Gary Cutlack
Read more
TP-Link EAP772-Outdoor IP68 Wireless WIFI7 Access Point
TP-Link has launched a Wi-Fi 7 router that can be immersed in water, but I've got a one question - Why?
man using voip headset talking to customer
40 years ago, the FCC opened the 2.4 GHz spectrum and it kickstarted an invisible, wireless revolution
Tired computer user.
From novelty to nuisance: The AI revolution no one wanted is sweeping all before it
A woman holding a Nik Bentel speaker bag and a mixer bag, almost like earrings, wearing a half-and-half monochrome dress, in front of a navy curtain
I just found my next wearable hi-fi fix, and it’s not a pair of over-ear headphones
Man sitting on sofa using smartphone while robot vacuum cleans the floor
What exactly is a smart home? 3 things you need to know to get started
Person using smartphone app to control various smart home devices
11 great uses for a smart plug: upgrade all the 'dumb' devices in your home for an easier life
Latest in Tech
Two men holding the all-new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 7 and Z Fold 7
Samsung's big folding phone redesign is a breath of fresh air in a sea of AI-first phone launches
The Mac mini M4 on a blue background with text saying Price Cut.
Shut up and take my money! The Mac mini (M4) is the only Prime Day deal I’m personally interested in
A Nintendo Switch 2 next to hands holding the Sigma BF and a B&O Bluetooth speaker sitting on a table
The best tech of 2025 so far – the 17 finest gadgets we've tested this year
The Xbox Series X Digital next to the new Dyson Airwrap and Nothing Headphone (1)
ICYMI: the week's 7 biggest tech stories from Spotify's suspected AI band to Nothing's first over-ear headphones
Collage of tech deals from the Best Buy 4th of July sale
Best Buy's massive 4th of July sale ends soon – here are the 32 best deals I'd buy before it's too late
A Tesla car, James Bonds and Samsung's foldable promo image
ICYMI: the week's 7 biggest tech stories from Tesla finally launching robotaxis (kinda) to Samsung's foldables teaser
Latest in News
Grok 4
xAI debuts powerful Grok 4 AI model, but it's not going to make people forget the antisemitism it spewed on X
Jinwoo stares down the camera with his right eye becoming a streak of lightning
Netflix is giving Solo Leveling the live-action treatment, but I’m worried for season 3 of the hit anime
Superman and other Fortnite Super characters battle it out
Fortnite's popular Blitz Royale could become a permanent game mode as Epic Games extends it by four more weeks
Matt Murdock looking at someone off-screen in Daredevil: Born Again episode 8
Daredevil: Born Again season 2 has already wrapped filming – and I know when the Marvel TV show will return on Disney+
Eu
Italy's Privacy Shield may be breaching EU law according to lawmakers
Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston stand side by side
The Morning Show season 4 drops first tense trailer, and I can’t wait for the introduction of this new character
LATEST ARTICLES
  1. 1
    A screaming deal on a silent mouse - the Logitech MX Master 3S had its price slashed for Prime Day
  2. 2
    I found 14 Prime Day deals on $1,000+ tech our experts actually loved, and they're all at least 20% off including our 2024 TV and laptop of the year
  3. 3
    I read dozens of books every year and I've been waiting for these Prime Day Kindle deals - I'll help pick the best ereader for every bookworm like me
  4. 4
    I've had this mic for 6 years and it's never let me down - get the Blue Yeti for a great price before this Prime Day deal is gone
  5. 5
    This Bose earbuds and soundbar combo is like a Dolby Atmos home theater without wires, and both are getting deep discounts for Prime Day

TechRadar is part of Future US Inc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site.

  • About Us
  • Contact Future's experts
  • Contact Us
  • Terms and conditions
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies policy
  • Advertise with us
  • Web notifications
  • Accessibility Statement
  • Careers

© Future US, Inc. Full 7th Floor, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036.

Please login or signup to comment

Please wait...