The internet is serious business and no business on the internet is more serious than World of Warcraft.
In a game that has millions of people hopelessly hooked it takes dedication to rise to the top, but are you dedicated enough?
Here are the signs that you might need to up your game.
10. You have a social life
Weekends are a good time to see friends and family, but an even better time to be raiding. If people are still bothering to ask you out of a Saturday night you've clearly not been firm enough when explaining your priorities.
9. You have a career
You only get to have one career, and that is picked on the character creation screen. Maybe you could be a lawyer or an astrophysicist, but ask yourself this; do they go to work on an epic mount?
AT HOME: Azeroth is your oyster. And oysters sometimes contain loot
8. You still sleep at night
Night is quality time, when the casual players are in bed and Azeroth is your oyster. Sleep in the day, if you have to. If possible learn to nap while fishing.
7. You get up to go to the toilet
The hardcore use a bottle, ideally one which can be emptied out the window.
STARTING OUT: The newbie area, where it all begins
6. You don't have the beard
Even female Warcraft players ought to be aiming to grow the iconic Warcraft players neckbeard. True Warcraft greats haven't shaved since 2005.
5. You haven't suffered from deep vein thrombosis
This implies you've been moving about and not focussed on the game. Just because your blood to caffeine ratio is about one to one doesn't mean you need to be active.
ON A MISSION: Helping NPCs is way more rewarding than doing actual things for actual people
4. You cook
Takeaways and cans yield all the nutrition that you can need. A pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and tomato covers all the basic food groups. Pizza crust makes for a hearty breakfast too.
3. You haven't worn off the letters WASD and the numbers one to four on your keyboard yet
These keys ought to be in constant use and your unwashed, takeaway stained figures ought to rub the letters off them in a matter of days. It's not as if you'll ever forget where they are.
WHERE THE PARTY'S AT: In Warcraft you have party options all the time, not just on the weekend
2. You're earning your own money
How can you expect to do your dailies every day if you have to go to work? Parents will provide, often into you forties, and failing that there's always the dole. What do you need money for anyway, a solid gold pee bottle?
1. You've got a family
It takes true commitment to your WoW career to erode the bonds between family members, but it's not impossible to do if you really stick at it. For the truly accomplished Warcraft player it should be easy to shed such unnecessary encumbrances as a spouse, parents, children or lifelong friends.
KITTED OUT: Who else gets to go to work with a big club and a shield? Only riot police, but they don't seem to have any fun
