The inevitable march of time continues apace, each heavy tick and every despairing tock carrying us ever closer to the cold embrace of the grave. With that cheery thought it is time for another 7 days in phones!
Maybe this week my witterings will be posted on time and not unceremoniously dumped at a random day. It's "7 days in phones" after all, not "7ish, maybe 8, could be 3 days in phones". Not that I'm bitter or anything.
LG wants me to buy a phone by covering it in the skin of a dead animal
I never thought as a vegetarian my morals would impact my phone buying – it would just be a simple life of chewing leafs and trying to convince people that tofu tastes good – which it does. Honest.
But now LG has released the G4, which seems like a fantastic smartphone clad in leather, and although this 'premium' look will undoubtedly appeal to some people, I can't help but feel weird about it. I don't want an animal to die so that I can make phone calls and play Crossy Road – which thanks to my incompetence with the game involves countless deaths of virtual animals instead.
At least there are more veggie friendly options, such as the thrilling white ceramic-painted and metallic coated versions, so my morals won't get in the way of purchasing those – though my bank balance probably will.
Microsoft goes shop lifting
How does that old saying go? If you can't beat them, just nick their stuff. Well, it's something like that, and it appears it's a tactic Microsoft is employing to get people to use the Windows Store.
There's probably a fair chance that you never ventured into the Windows Store – and with good reason, too.
With iOS and Android you could be pretty confident that any big apps would be available on the platform, but Windows Phone was often neglected, the store a rather desolate waste land. This caused a rather unfortunate self-fulfilling circle of strife as people would hesitate going to Windows Phone due to it lacking apps, which caused developers to delay or cease creating apps due to the small market share of the operating system.
By putting slightly rejigged iOS and Android apps onto Windows 10 devices, Microsoft clearly wants to boost the Windows Store (which currently has 300,000 apps compared to the 1.2 million apps on iOS and 1.3 million on Android).
Sounds like a good idea, but I'm not too sure about this method. I'd much rather have an app that was designed from the ground up to work with my phone and operating system of choice, as a crowbarred in app will probably ignore any unique features of the Windows Phone operating system, ignoring Cortana and wondering where that Siri lass had got to.
It also means the few developers who were working on Windows Phone apps will probably stop all together. Why waste time building a Windows Phone version if it's going to end up on there anyway?
At least Microsoft will have some inflated numbers to wave around and try to convince people to buy a Windows Phone. Good for them!
The Chosen One
In the days of yore
Elder lips smacked
And chattered of a hooved hero that bore
Upon his brow a horn
And in his heart for ever more
A phone, berry black in hue
That ceased to ring
But tho' in silence it stayed
We would sing
About The Chosen One
Who would bring balance to the force...
"Wait a minute" exclaimed Winston, as he read the ancient text that had been scrawled on the back of a Motorola Flipout user manual.
"What is it, o Chosen One?" the mighty eagle enquired.
"Well, first of all this is quite possibly the worst poem I have ever read." Gasps rang out amongst the council. "And secondly, it seems to start ripping off Star Wars towards the end." Yet more shocked gasps. A polecat fainted.
"This is a sacred text!" roared an angry looking gazelle. "You may be the chosen one, but there's no need for blasphemy!"
A murmur of agreement broke out from the gathered animals. Winston looked sheepish, which is difficult for a half robot Unicorn to do.
"I'm sorry" he croaked. "This is all very new to me. I do want to help, really. But what do you need of me?"
"Ah, well for that you'll need this" the eagle gravely intoned.
Winston gasped. In the eagle's proffered talon lay a tangled black mass, the likes of which had long stalked Winston's nightmares: a proprietary Nokia charger.
Shinning in the rain
JK Shin, President and CEO of Samsung was excited to launch the Samsung Galaxy S4, but some bright spark thought why not make this launch event cheesy and cringe inducing as well? Bring on the tap dancers, rubbish child actors and musical numbers!
Strange press shot of the week
"Hello, is that the police?...A strange orange man has entered my house...OK I'll remain calm, pretend I'm happy to see him...he is very orange though..."
Retro video of the week
If you thought annoying idiots that use their phones during a meal are a modern phenomenon, then guess again with this old advert for Radio Shack's affordable, transportable, cellular telephone.
Not only can you obnoxiously use the phone during meals, you can chatter away on a golf course or ignore your wife when on a boat.
True fact: the kid at the end who jokingly said to buy 100 shares cost his father his job, and directly caused the economic downturn of the late 1980s. The dad was last seen selling used shampoo bottles in a Little Chef car park. For US readers who don't know what a Little Chef is, imagine a much bleaker version of Denny's.