Sexy texting on the rise among pensioners

Your granddad is sending sexy text messages
Your granddad is sending sexy text messages

Old people have embraced technology at last and, as we did in 1998, are learning how to use modern innovations for lewd sexy times. A piece on American pensioner news resource AARP features some astonishingly frank interviews with older guys and ladies who enjoy talking dirty - and often backing it up with photographic evidence.

Gawker reported on the emerging grey nookie trend, with the extremely forward-thinking AARP even offering advice for those embarking on sexy texting sprees - telling users to "delete them every so often" in case their phone is lost or used by someone else, and also that the phrase "Forget chocolate, I am craving the taste of you!" might be a good starting point if you're new to it all.

The space elevator race is on

Scientists, bereft of any ideas of their own, continue to steal concepts from sci-fi novels as we head into a future based entirely around what Arthur C Clarke imagined life in 2010 would be like after a few beers in 1955.

The Space Elevator Games took place at Edwards Air Force Base in the Mojave desert this week, with competing companies trying to make Mr Clarke's dream of taking an elevator (lift) into space real. The winning entry, built by LaserMotive, didn't quite make it into space, but did win the contest by making a lift climb a 1km cable suspended beneath a helicopter.

Space elevator

WE CAN BE LIFTED: More thrilling photos are needed if it wants to secure funding.

It was powered in an ingenious way, with a photo-sensitive battery charger on its underside being pumped full by a ground-based laser. Follow LaserMotive's attempts retrospectively on its Twitter account. And come back next week, when we'll be reporting live from the Lightsaber Fencing World Championships.

It's saying "Don't drop me again"

From the part of the "app" world that focuses on idiots being parted from their money comes Cry Translator - an iPhone tool which supposedly has the ability to tell if your baby's crying because it's hungry, has pooed itself again, or simply doesn't like you because it can sense you're not actually its biological father.

The NY Daily News says that, unbelievably, the product is the result of six years worth of work by a Spanish team (we had it down as the result of two hours mucking about by a recently unemployed web developer) which has guessed/worked out that babies emit five distinct types of cry - hungry, bored, stressed, sleepy and annoyed.

Cry translator app

BOO HOO HOO: Can I get some chocolate in my milk next time? Thanks.

The app has gone live on the US App Store for an astonishing price of $29.99, although there's a fire-sale $9.99 reduction going on at the moment. That strange sighing/grunting sound we have just made means we are saddened by this news and modern life in general.

iPhone users in style-over-substance shock

A survey by American retailer Retrevo has found that one in three iPhone users have brutally dumped someone by text message. Steve Jobs will be pleased to hear that, it's the sort of efficient working practice he'd admire.

The poll of Apple phone fashionistas also discovered that a third of iPhone owners find it a "turn off" if a potential partner owns out-of-date gadgets, and a quarter of people asked claim to have dumped someone for spending too much time on their mobile. A poll of Android phone users we've just conducted revealed that 100 per cent of them wouldn't mind seeing what kissing someone feels like.


AMSTRAD ACTION: Put a blanket over your yellowed CRT monitor, a girl's coming round.