7 things you'll hate about the iPhone 5S

iPhone 5S
Touch ID is all well and good, but what about the Fingerprint Thieves?

Some people believe that the iPhone 5S is the best iPhone that Apple - or for that matter, anybody - has ever made.

They may well be right, but that doesn't mean it's perfect, and it certainly doesn't mean that Apple's latest i-device is flaw-free or beyond criticism.

There are plenty of reasons to love the iPhone 5S - here are seven reasons - but you won't find them here: right now we're the haters, and haters gonna hate.

1. It's even more expensive

The iPhone has never been the most affordable smartphone, and the iPhone 5S is the most expensive yet: it starts at a whopping £549 for the 16GB version, which is £20 more than the outgoing (and obsolete) iPhone 5.

And that's for just 16GB of storage, which isn't really enough any more. The sensible choice, the 32GB model, is £629 in the UK. It'll be a bit cheaper on contract, of course, but it's still quite hefty.

2. It's ruined the trade-in value of your iPhone 5

Here's how the smartphone Circle of Life is supposed to work. Apple unveils a new thing, you trade in last year's new thing, you put the money towards the new thing. Easy.

Here's how it worked this year. Apple unveiled the iPhone 5S and discontinued the iPhone 5, causing recycling sites to rush to their computers and brutally slash their iPhone 5 trade-in rates so severely that a mint iPhone 5 will soon be worth less than a packet of mints.

And as we've already mentioned, the iPhone 5S got a sneaky price hike too, which just adds insult to injury.

3. It should be scratch-proof, but it isn't

Apple can call the dark coloured one Space Grey all it likes, but its real name should be Scratchy McRubbish: that anodised aluminium casing is so prone to scratching that you can scuff it by playing an episode of Itchy and Scratchy in iTunes.

The white one's a bit better, but only because white is closer to the colour of bare aluminium and as a result, the scratches aren't as obvious. The gold one should be fairly scratch-resistant too, because gold is comparatively easy to anodise. Hang on - did someone mention the gold one?

4. Apple's gone bling

iPhone. iPhone 3G. iPhone 3GS. iPhone 4. iPhone 4S. iPhone 5. What do they all have in common? That's right. NONE OF THEM ARE GOLD.

There's a reason for that, and that reason is simple: gold things are for magpies, old people and idiots. Don't believe us? Sit back and imagine the kind of people who would just love a gold iPhone. Are you thinking Robin Thicke? Russian gangsters? The cast of The Only Way Is Essex? Of course you are.

5. There's a bigger, better one due next year

The networks would really like you to take your iPhone 5S on a two-year contract, but we all know Apple's modus operandi by now: the big hitters come out every two years with a new design and lots of new goodies, and the S models are relatively minor upgrades released in the years in between.

This is an in-between year, an "S" year, and we know what that means: a bigger, better iPhone 6 this time next year that will make you rue the day you put a cross in the box of that two-year contract. Just imagine what it might do.

If an S-model iPhone can read your fingers, maybe the 6 will be able to read your mind, or make your pets levitate. To be honest, we'd be quite delighted if it just had better battery life and a slightly bigger screen.

6. The irrational fear that somebody's going to steal your fingers, or maybe photocopy them

Now that Apple's embraced fingerprints to unlock your iPhone and authorise iTunes purchases with Touch ID, try not to imagine somebody stealing your phone and then coming back for your fingers so that they can unlock it.

That's far-fetched to say the least, of course, and we'd just dismissed the whole paranoid possibility when Newsweek writer Peter Jukes mentioned on Twitter that criminals would be able to 3D-print replacement fingers. Just because it's unlikely doesn't mean that you shouldn't fear the Fingerprint Thieves.

7. You'll have to wait for it

If you've already decided you want an iPhone 5S, nothing here will change your mind - but that doesn't mean you can just order your iPhone 5S today and embark on a new life of gadget-fuelled cosiness.

Nope: you'll have to wait until 20 September, or longer still if you don't live in one of the nine launch countries (the US, Australia, Canada, China, France, Germany, Japan, Singapore and the UK).

Carrie Marshall

Writer, broadcaster, musician and kitchen gadget obsessive Carrie Marshall (Twitter) has been writing about tech since 1998, contributing sage advice and odd opinions to all kinds of magazines and websites as well as writing more than a dozen books. Her memoir, Carrie Kills A Man, is on sale now. She is the singer in Glaswegian rock band HAVR.