Kirstie Allsopp in 'Greggs' Twitter rage

Lovely Kirstie Allsopp, the property expert and shoe fetishist's favourite TV celebrity, caused a minor ripple of resentment on Twitter this week - thanks to complaining about her lunch budget.

Moaning that her Channel 4 daily food expenses allowance has "gone from £15 to £10 to £6!" leaving her "Away from home, freezing & now starving", Kirstie was quickly lambasted by her loyal fans. Loyal fans not fortunate enough to (a) be a rich telly star or (b) have a lunch allowance at all.

Kirsty allsopp twitter feed

SHUT UP AND COME HERE: Let me feed you a sausage roll from my hand

Poor Kirstie then suffered more aggro, after turning down polite suggestions that she investigate the more affordable Boots "meal deal" range and disrespecting common-man food provider Gregs (she's so posh she doesn't even know how to spell Greggs). Poor Kirstie just wants to sit down on a nice chair and eat a proper lunch like a lady, not munch a sandwich at a bus stop like... one of us lot.

Piezoelectric Ribbons Printed onto Rubber for Flexible Energy Conversion

That headline is a fancy way of saying some scientist has proposed a unique energy-generation system, powered by flexing and moving material.

The end result of science wording such as "ceramic nanoribbons" and "lead zirconate titanate" is simple: a bendy rubber substance that creates an electric charge every time it's flexed, like having a miniature turbine in the soles of your shoes or built into the lining of your duvet.

Energy rubber

iCHARGE: Power the second-gen iPad by repeatedly slapping it into your privates

Physorg reports that well-meaning doctors could eventually place the bizarre energetic fabric inside our bodies, using the motion of our lungs to power the pacemakers that will be required to keep our flabby sedentary bodies alive in the future.

This time next year, Rodders, we'll be Mobiado Classic 712ZAF owners

Today's Thought for the Day is as follows - why are 'prestige' mobile phones always so pig-ugly? This thing, announced this week by Mobiado, perfectly complements last year's horrendous gold edition by looking equally bloated. It is a phone that looks like a jewel-covered fat man in a Lamborghini, made for a jewel-covered fat man in a Lamborghini.

Mobiado classic

ENTRY LEVEL: But we would still like to receive a couple of review samples, please, Mobiado

The Mobiado Classic 712ZAF may well drip with sapphires and jewels designed to help its owner appeal to gold-diggers in yacht clubs around the globe, but its measly 2.2" QVGA display won't impress the sort of ladies we hang around with. The ladies we hang around with demand we have Android 2.0.1 or later before any kissing happens.

The Great Adult Safe Search Restriction of China

The free-thinking and radical Chinese authorities could soon introduce legislation to stop children under 12 using mobile phones so much, as part of the country's attempt to wean the Chinese nation as a whole off internet pornography. That is, if Professor Yang Weiping of Shaanxi Normal University gets his very non-wicked way.

Phone censorship

RUDE TUBES: Poor Chinese porn addicts. It must be like living in the UK in the 1980s

Here's what the prof had to say about mobile phone porn: "The spread of pornographic and lewd content on mobile WAP sites is like malignant tumors invading and hiding in the information network" - which sound like the words of an angry man who's found his head crudely Photoshopped onto some extremely rude internet photography. And if he hasn't, he soon will.