20 tech stories we won't be writing this year

We won't be saying: "Sony has dropped price of the PS3 to £199."

(1) All of the major Hollywood Studios now support Blu-ray and HD DVD . This means that we, the consumers, can finally choose the content and the format we prefer. The HD format war is over.

(2) I hate to say it, but this new Zune player is streets ahead of Apple's iPod...

(3) Sony has taken everybody by surprise by dropping the price of the PlayStation 3 to £199. Buying a PS3 is now a complete no-brainer. Hell, buy two.

(4) I ordered an 8Mbps broadband package from my ISP for £9.95, but I've found that I'm actually getting much faster 12-15Mbps speeds.

(5) The Nigerian president was speaking at the launch of the One Child per Laptop (OCPL) programme, which aims to donate one Nigerian orphan to every laptop user worldwide.

(6) So I replied to this Nigerian woman's email and sent her £5,000 to bribe a bank official. She told me that this official would help her to move $200 million of private funds out of the country. 419 scam, my arse... I made $10 million from the deal and now I live in Mauritius!

(7) PlayStation 3 to get Xbox 360 emulator. Get two consoles for the price of two consoles...

(8) News in brief: Dell flogs laptops for £4.99; Google launches ad-supported fashion at H&M and Microsoft's Xbox 360 now has a 0.01% failure rate. Click here to read more...

(9) Windows Vista is the most stable operating system Microsoft has ever produced! All the drivers work really well and there's no need for a service pack. I'm really glad I upgraded.

(10) Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have just embraced on stage at CES. They're still embracing. Hey, is Bill rubbing Steve Jobs' back a little?

(11) That keynote by Intel President Otellini was quite simply the most spectacular thing we've ever seen.

(12) UK mobile networks have decided to stop pushing 3G. "Nobody uses it very much and it's stupidly expensive," said an spokesperson. "Wi-Fi is clearly the way to go now."

(13) The iPhone is to stop running OS X and move to Windows Mobile 6.0. Steve Jobs admitted: "It's actually much better for phone use. I mean, I couldn't keep in touch with all my MSN contacts before."

(14) Apple buys Disney, becomes "Dapple".

(15) Ferrari today launched a limited edition Acer -branded car....

(16) News Corp. has announced that it has acquired Facebook for $7bn and will merge it with MySpace to create one big super-social networking site called: MybookSpaceFace.

(17) Sony is pushing ahead with its new Blu-ray Audio music format, BDA-CD. Predicts enormous success and huge sales...

(18) Google Labs launches "Google Psychic", a predictive version of its popular web search. The new algorithm knows what you want before you do.

(19) Apple 's latest design patent D708,655 suggests that the company is planning something truly revolutionary this time that will... ah, who cares.

(20) Microsoft Security Bulletin Summary for December 2007. The security bulletins for this month are as follows, in order of severity: Critical (0), Important (0), Moderate (0). Have a nice day...