Google embraces offline paper-based media

Thanks to Google's classic literature scanning efforts and those fancy new 'electronic readers' both doing their bit to make books cool again, it is now the height of fashion to be seen sitting there reading a story rather than watching YouTube clips or the latest rapidly-edited US drama serial.

Which has led to a bizarre technical paradox - Google is set to let readers order hard, paper-based, physical copies of the classic books it's previously digitised.

Google will allow on-demand printers to access the two million books in its digital archive, letting wannabe readers order copies of rarities it's yanked out of the archives. The printing process will be carried out by a quick book printer called the "Expresso Book Machine" which is apparently capable of printing and binding a 300-page paperback in five minutes.

What next for the search monster? A hard copy of all of yesterday's news events printed on cheap paper and made available at train stations, shops and supermarkets the world over?

It could be called Google News: Paper.

Cannot be reasoned with

The latest miserable failure at attempting to CONTROL the internet was made by the Danish tourist board this week, which pulled an advert featuring a (fake) mother and her baby.

Tourism effort VisitDenmark created the bizarre "viral" ad featuring a lady with a baby she conceived as the result of a casual encounter with a tourist.

The clear inference that if YOU go to Denmark then YOU TOO might get to sleep with a sexy Danish lady was not lost on the audience, with droves of complaints leading to the video getting pulled.

As ever, attempts to remove the clip simply resulted in more people re-hosting it and being offended by it because that's how edgy they are and that's how the internet works.

Here's the clip. We are edgy and uncontrollable, too.

The sad truth is she's an actor and the baby is an animatronic fake controlled by two men off the bottom of the screen. VisitDenmark still features two naked bottoms on its home page, though, so the clean-up is not complete yet.

Google applies itself

In a new sign that Google is morphing into more of a Big Brother style figure that will soon dominate our every waking minute, the company has revealed a series of special Google Apps designed for use by the US Government.

In fact, the US Government now has its own official App Store where several departments can order apps to help smooth down the layers of bureaucracy.

APPY AS LARRY: Minesweeper's dominance under threat

Something is "up" with the pricing, though - if you want to order a Google Search option for your government office's website, for example, it'll cost your line manager a staggering $235,516.38.

Fly trapped

And finally. If you came here for rubbish UFO sighting news, here's this week's most abysmal attempt at tricking the world courtesy of a minor Russian UFO frenzy.

"My friend's mobile phone turned itself off, and then spontaneously switched back on!" said an eye-witness, which is clearly undeniable proof of alien activity. Definitely not a dodgy SIM card or wonky battery.

UFO: Uninteresting Fly Outside

The photo itself looks like a very-far-away fly (or beetle) speeding past the lens to these disbelieving amateur eyes. Zooming in on it and putting an arrow on the photo doesn't make it appear any more like a spaceship.