Twitter is like a catchy song. At first, you hate it. Why does everyone like this? It's awful, it's full of people complaining and being aggressive and taking photos of their cats and food and themselves.
Then, you start to get drawn in by its charms. You tentatively set up an account. You tweet a couple of jokes you thought of that morning. But by then, you're in for good. You think about it all day. You hashtag things unironically. You know the difference between muting and blocking and you use both freely. It's too late for you.
#IDARB is here to save you. As you can probably guess from the hashtaggy title, #IDARB is a game that's fully integrated with Twitter. It plays like a cross between basketball, Super Smash Bros and hockey, with four-person teams, two goals, one ball and a whole lot of chaos in between. The twist (there's always a twist) is that anyone can join in with your game by using "Hashbombs", which are hashtags sent to the #IDARB Twitter account that change the circumstances of the game.
Try #oktoberfest, which fills the arena with beer, or #toasty, which makes human-toast hybrids appear on screen. Maybe you just want to make life difficult for the players, in which case you might want to turn off the #lights, or maybe you just want to turn everyone into #clowns or summon some sharks with #chum. The game is currently free on Xbox Live, and Twitter is free for everyone, but use with caution. It's addictive.
In between tweeting and checking for favourites, maybe you watch TV. It's like reading tweets, but people are saying them out loud, and shows are normally longer than 140 characters. Telltale, the game developer that specialise in making games from TV shows, are now going one step further – its planning to make "Super Shows" with Lionsgate, the studio behind Hunger Games and Orange is the New Black.
What are Super Shows, you say? Well, apparently it's going to be a bit different to Telltale's current style, which is to take pre-existing TV shows like The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones and create a sort of spin-off story that sits alongside the main one, so it doesn't spoil the show, but it gives fans enough to keep them going without knowing who dies.
Super Shows are more original though – they will be a completely new show, with more un-interactive TV bits than before. Sure, Telltale can be a bit hit-and-miss, seeing as Game of Thrones has been a bit dull so far, in comparison to the blood, sand and sex approach of the show, but Lionsgate knows its stuff too. We have high hopes.
Maybe you're bored of social media. Maybe you hate TV. Maybe you're sitting at home, with nothing but a big pile of money to keep you company, and you want some excitement in your life. Good news, fun guy: Dying Light has a £250,000 special edition that will make your dreams come true – as long as you dream of pretending you're in a parkour-lef zombie apocalypse.
For just the price of an actual house, Techland, the creators of Dying Light, will give you "Zombie Survival Lessons" (that's parkour and freerunning lessons, which probably won't include any actual zombies), some headphones, signed copies of the game, a party with "Steve the zombie consultant" at Techland HQ, a human-sized zombie figurine, night vision goggles and adult diapers and, of course, a custom-built, zombie-proof shelter.
If you found yourself going "ughhhh" at any of that, then you have experienced one of two things: one, you have become a zombie. Sorry about that. Or two: you think this idea is completely stupid.
You'd be right – Techland has a terrible track record when it comes to stupid PR stunts, having released a headless, limbless zombie torso complete with unrealistic tatas and torn bikini. I guess this is one step up from ogling a corpse's cleavage, but only just. Sigh.
And finally, your dose of fun stuff for the week. Civilisation V, a turn-based strategy game in which several civilisations vie for control of the world with military prowess, religious conquest and lots and lots of threats, is a great battleground for anyone who enjoys playing out alternate history. What if... the Nazis won? What if... Canada was the most powerful country in the world? What if... the Pirates of the Caribbean were a force to be reckoned with?
Wonder no longer, because Reddit user Tpangolin has created an entirely AI-driven game of Civilisation V with 42 different civilisations all placed on a mostly-accurate map of the world. Who will win in this simulation of world politics? Only time and multiple turns will tell.
Oh yeah, and in case you missed it, a new trailer for Arkham Knight dropped this week. Apparently there's trouble in Gotham again, the city of perpetual nighttime. Kirby and the Rainbow Curse, this is not.