48 things we hate about tech

Tech troubles that make us want to punch nuns

Halo 3 Wi Fi scare story Acer PC

Technology has made the world a better place – but it's also made it much more annoying. Come with us as we unveil the 48 most irritating things in IT.

48. Chargers. A different charger for every single gadget, and a new type of charger whenever there's a minor model upgrade. Brilliant.

47. Steve Jobs. Yes, the man's a genius – but be honest. You want to punch him. You do!

46. Microsoft(r) Product(tm) Names(c) Pointless Edition(tm) 2008 Service Pack 3.1 beta 4 On Ice!

45. Tabloid scare stories. Facebook will eat your face, or kill bees, or something.

44. Exploding laptops. You'd think that we could make a battery that doesn't catch on fire by now.

43. DRM. It's Latin for "pain in the arse".

42. Software that needs 99 patches. Here's an idea. Why not test it before you release it?

41. Red Rings of Death. Memo to Microsoft: hardware isn't software. You can't flog it and fix it later.

40. Traffic management and bandwidth caps. Which bit of "unlimited" don't ISPs understand?

39. International roaming. Yes, Mr Mobile network. £400 per email is great value for money.

38. Stupid format wars. They're not big, they're not clever, and they mean early adopters get their fingers burnt. Not the smartest business strategy.

37. Software bloat. Especially antivirus software that's so bloated our PCs can't get infected because there's no room left for anything.

36. Product launches that think they're rock concerts. It's a new SDK! Guitar solo!

35. Unnecessary obsolescence. Forcing us to buy stuff we don't need by breaking stuff we already have? What an excellent, customer-friendly idea.

34. Facebook and MySpace. Just because.

33. Printer ink and mobile phone data charges. It'd be cheaper to do drugs. DRUGS MADE OF GOLD AND DIAMONDS.

32. Advertising. It's a necessary evil, but does it have to be quite so evil?

31. Viral sodding marketing.

30. Fanboys. Your choice of operating system/games console/telephone is better than my choice of operating system/games console/telephone? Why, how fascinating. Please, marry my daughter.

29. Friends Reunited reminders. "People you hate have signed up. Please come back! Please!"

28. Email forwards. Is it unfair to respond with a string of expletives? It is? Sorry, mum.

27. RealPlayer. Like the Black Death, but made of software.

26. eBook Readers. Just like real books, but more expensive, less useful, stuffed with DRM and likely to electrocute you in the bath.

25. Blog commenters. No, not you. Them.

24. Batteries. It's funny how 100 per cent charge becomes 0 per cent the second you actually need to do something.

23. Wireless networks. They work through walls, you say? Our router can't throw a packet through a hamster.

22. Family members. There's nothing we love more than getting rid of spyware and Trojans from your laptop during Christmas dinner while shuddering in horror at your search history.

21. Online gaming. Like the Jerry Springer Show, but global and 24/7.

20. Greedy software. You've installed an image viewer. Of course you want it to play your MP3s, answer the door and babysit the kids.

19. Acrobat Reader. The software equivalent of using a nuclear warhead to drill a hole.

18. Google's cache / the Wayback Machine. We deleted it for a reason!

17. Internet banking. 27 different card readers, 304 passwords and a magic dance to discover you're still broke.

16. Endless betas. When Gmail 1.0 comes out, we'll all be living on Mars.

15. Unboxing videos. What's next? Getting The Bus Home From The Shop videos?

14. Stupid! prodct! namez! WiTHuneCCEssaryCAPITALisatioNandnospaceS!

13. People who shout WOO! at product launches and tech conferences.

12. Mid-game mystery reboots. No end of level boss is as wicked as Windows Update.

11. Software pop-ups. Interrupting us when we're doing something interesting to tell us something completely useless? How kind.

10. Mysterious status updates. "Sharon is very annoyed with a certain someone and is going to tell you-know-who about you-know-what." What is this? Primary school?

9. Proprietary formats.

8. Marketing bullshit. 3-watt speakers are not "powerful".

7. Long launches. If it's ready, ship it. If it isn't, shut up.

6. Novelty USB products. The tech equivalent of "you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps!!!!!" stickers.


4. Ugly PCs. Surely it's not that hard to make something that isn't hideous?

3. Broadband speeds. Sure, you can get 20Mb – if you move home and live in the phone exchange.

2. Long boot times. On PCs, on phones, on consoles, on absolutely everything. Time is money, people!

1. Pocket patting. The constant, irrational fear that you've left your laptop/iPod/phone/DS/PSP in the pub even though you know you haven't. The more beers you've had, the more times you'll check.

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