20 things you could buy instead of an £8,000 Apple Watch Edition

Never run out of Double Deckers again

Apple has a bit of a reputation for releasing premium priced hardware, but it's taken things to quite an extreme with the Apple Watch Edition of its new wearable.

You can have a special model of the Apple Watch for a staggering £8,000 in the UK, with Apple shoving the same smartwatch guts as the £299 model into a selection of special 18-carat gold cases for the enjoyment of the super-rich.

You, seeing as you spend all day on the internet and not in a recording studio or on the football pitch, probably have better things to spend that kind of money on. Stuff like this:

50 LG G Watches

LG G Watch

Just imagine how fashionable you'd look

You could strap 15 on each arm, five on each leg, a few around your neck, then no one would be in any doubt as to how connected you are and how much money you've got.

Each notification vibration would hit you with the power of a deep shiatsu massage, too.

A luxury pizza for dinner every night for 2,000 nights

Pizza

So. Much. Cheese.

The Waitrose hand-stretched, thin & crispy pepperoni pizza is £4. You could eat like a gluttonous king and possibly even develop gout like a rich fattie over the course of 2,000 meaty, cheesy evenings.

290,909 cups of tea

Tea

Drink up, there's a long way to go

Assuming a standard UK price of £2.20 for 80 tea bags, £8,000 could get you a sensational 3,636 boxes of tea bags - that's an amazing 290,909 cups of tea instead of a gold smartwatch.

Double that if you share bags with friends or use a pot.

20 Seiko Kinetic Perpetual Sportura watches

Seiko Kinetic Perpetual Sportura

It tells the time. Crazy.

Real watches that - get this, kids! - never need charging. Are also thin. Fully waterproof. Light. Some models have a little window that says what date it is, too, and extra dials.

A real watch for people who haven't got as much to prove about how busy they are and how many notifications they get.

100 Fitbit Ones

Fitbit One

One is never enough

Use once, chuck away. Save time hosing your sweat off the things and recharging them.

12,307 Double Deckers

Double Decker

OM NOM NOM NOM

That's assuming you're paying the supermarket average price of 65p each. You'd get fewer if you're paying corner shop prices, but then again the chances of a local corner shop having 12k Double Deckers in the storeroom are pretty remote.

You'd have to source them through a wholesaler, probably, so may be able to get a further bulk discount, perhaps even as low as 40p per unit, which would make 20,000 Double Deckers.

7,340 litres of petrol

Petrol

Road trip!

That's enough to drive a relatively uneconomical van 183,500 miles, easily getting you to China, where you can load it up with cheap Apple Watch Edition clones running a butchered version of Android 2.2, then drive back and sell them to idiots at market stalls and in pubs.

A 2002 Land Rover Defender

Land Rover

Where will you go?

With enough change to keep it in petrol for a few months, too. Imagine the adventures you could have. It would generate more anecdotes than a watch with a battery that's always flat, that's for sure.

3,333 medium lattes

Latte

You'll be dashing to the loo every half hour

Maybe after that much coffee buying one might seem like a good thing to do with the money your dad managed to put in your ISA before he was made redundant.

1,629 wired mains clock radios

Alarm clock

It will never let you down - unless there's a power cut...

So you can know what the time is when the £8k magical Apple Watch goes flat after 18 hours.

15 Samsung Galaxy S6 phones

Samsung Galaxy S6

Who needs Apple anyway?

One to use as a phone, one to strap on your face to be somewhere else in VR land, one to keep hidden for orchestrating affairs and drug deals, one to smash for a YouTube video, one to keep permanently charging by the bed so you've always for something to do instead of sex, and 10 spares, just in case.

228 nights at a Premier Inn

Premier Inn

You stay classy

Assuming you can bag the sought-after £35 room deals and don't mind staying in Southampton airport. Imagine 228 nights near Southampton airport.

People considering an Apple Watch Edition are more likely to spend £800 a night on a boutique hotel in London, but still. That's ten nights in a boutique hotel instead of a watch, which is quite a good idea too.

2 kilos of Imperial Beluga Caviar

Caviar

So fancy

It's probably not as nice a thing to put on toast as beans or cheese or that biscuit spread they do now, but you can get a lot of it for £8,000. Stack it up in the cupboard to impress visitors.

1,000 really nice mugs

Mugs

Really nice mugs. What's not to like?

Imagine if all the mugs in your house were really nice ones that cost £8 each. Then you wouldn't be embarrassed when two people come around at once so one person has to have their tea out of a jam jar or Tesco Value beans tin.

89 pairs of Salomon Speedcross 3 Trail Running Shoes

Speedcross 3 Trail

Treat your feet, not your wrist

To wear with your suit, like you're some kind of laid back tech company executive that's just released a new product for more money than it ought to be so can wear whatever he or she damn well likes.

4 actual bloody Rolexes

Rolex

Actually better than an Apple Watch

Won't sync your useless social media notifications and spam mails, or let you answer calls, but should last a whole lifetime and can be passed on to the kids, unlike a gadget that'll be laughably outdated by 2017. About £2k each secondhand

7 Ribble Ultegra 6800 Evo Pro Carbon bikes

Ribble Ultegra 6800 Evo Pro Carbon

Get on the saddle and escape technology

If you're serious about fitness, don't bother counting your steps. Get some proper exercise, because walking from the living room to the fridge 50 times a day doesn't count.

Not unless your house is as big as Tim Cook's.

16 return flights to the US

Plane

Think of the air miles you'll earn

Assuming you can get them for about £500 each because they depart from an airport you need to get a bus to. Travel like Jack from Lost. Dream of crashing and it all being over. Live on Duty Free sweets like a touring teen popstar.

1,333 gold crowns

Crown

Monarch beats Apple Watch

You can get gold crowns from Amazon for about £6 each. May not be real gold, but still. You'd have a powerful status symbol on the cheap and these ones won't need replacing when Crown 2.0 launches in April of 2016.

95 Apple shares

Apple

Own the company, not its products

Currently costing $127 each on the US exchange. They will go up forever if people buy £8k watches off it in any serious quantity

Click here to get an in-depth look at our Apple Watch infographic

Apple Watch illustration