Two console features that would kill PCs

Gears of War II
People don't just want to play games online. No, we're far more sophisticated than that...

While everyone else is arguing about whether Windows 7 really is faster than Vista or whether Vista is the worst version of Windows ever (or even the worst version of anything ever), I can't help feeling we have all missed the point.

We have allowed ourselves to get tricked into choosing between being hit on the head with a hammer and being hit on the head with a brick. Whereas what we should actually be asking is "Do we really need to be hit on the head at all?"

We need to pull back the focus a little and think about what we really want to do with our lives and then consider whether a computer might help with any of them.

Only then can we really make informed choices about what kind of computer that might be. My current goals may be summarised in this fashion.

1. To experience the glory of the female form in as direct and convenient a way as possible.

2. To be able to shoot things and watch other people shooting things for those times when I am temporarily tired of the female form.

3. To spend the least amount of time possible shopping, cleaning, working or doing anything that does not involve the female form or shooting.

Actually, I contend that these have always been the goals of every man. And in the computer age, the first two goals are satisfied by pr0n and video games, respectively.

Internet shopping also helps a bit with number 3 but on a Windows PC, the amount of time I spend patiently coaxing it through its various tantrums does much to undermine this.

Whereas my XBox, PS3 and Wii require virtually no maintenance whatsoever but are only really useful for goal 2.

So what is needed, then, clearly, is a console that plays games but also connects to Amazon,, iTunes, eBay and a selection of high-quality adult sites.

Bundle that lot into something like a Wii for £200 and then see how many people still bother with Windows.