Good morning, and where were you this weekend?? You missed all the important stuff, like the new super-high contrast TV, or the super-cheap, super portable PC, or the kid who super-kidnapped himself.
We don't care if you were having a baby…some things are more important. Thankfully, we've decided to be lenient and let you catch up here quickly:
LG says: 'Take that, Samsung'
LG has decided that bigger isn't always better in the race to have the best LCD TV, and has instead decided to compete with its Korean rival on looks and performance (which is good news for the average Joe who can't really justify a 103-inch TV).
A TV with a contrast ratio of 1,000,000:1 is amazing enough in new technology like OLED displays, but to do it on a 47inch LCD is phenomenal.
To be fair, it achieves the effect with some smart dimming by using LEDs to backlight the screen, so the effect is actually simulated, but hey, your eyes could never tell the difference, so who cares?
Available for the sprightly sum of £1,800, this behemoth looks the business too. We await Samsung's reply with slavering lips…
The iPhone 3G: even more exclusive
Speaking in an article in USA Today, Stephenson and "insiders" talked of a new contract with Apple, and given that the current deal lasts until 2009, another year on top makes sense, with the CEO saying he is "very happy" with the situation.
That pretty much puts the brakes on the rumoured joint carrier deal with Orange and O2 in the UK then.
Lenovo hits a new low with ultraportables?
We all love a rumour, right? And we definitely love rumours about low-cost laptops, right? No? Oh well, we do, and perhaps this will change your mind.
Lenovo is rumoured to be readying its own take on the netbook / ultraportable PC with the new IdeaPad S10 (bet that name took three or four creative lunches to think up) for a paltry £200.
Coming in with 8.9 inch and 10.2 inch screens, these bad boys (which come in a variety of colours) will also pack a 160GB hard drive too, so no more of that '4GB is all you get' nonsense we are used to getting from Asus.
And the best bit is that these little wonders are set to hit in September, though in real terms that probably means early next year.
Wii want $1,400 for the safe return of your kid
And finally, a Chinese kid called Yang clearly missed the 'plans that are doomed to obvious failure' video at school.
Yang was so upset that his parents wouldn't buy him a Nintendo Wii that he teamed up with two crooks to simulate his own kidnapping with a ransom demand of $1,400 (£700).
The bungling team were caught trying to withdraw the money from an ATM machine. It makes you wonder why they didn't ask for more bearing in mind it included the pay off for Yang's hapless criminal assistants…Next time, ask for $100,000,000. Now that's a proper ransom.