Apple is no stranger to the courthouse and it's seasoned lawyers are clearly taking quite a bit of joy in the latest class action suit against it, gleefully picking apart claims that Siri has caused such distress to iPhone 4S owners that the only course of action available to them is to call their lawyers.
A group of Californian consumers are hoping to wrest a few dollars from Apple because they reckon Siri is oversold in Apple's advertising, encouraging users to shell out more money on the iPhone 4S than it's worth.
But Apple argues that anyone with a genuine complaint against Siri would first have sought a refund and that would have been the end of it, something that none of the claimants tried before heading to court.
What's more, the lawyers say the claimants' complaints fall apart under close examination:
"They offer only general descriptions of Apple's advertisements, incomplete summaries of Apple's website materials, and vague descriptions of their alleged – and highly individualised – disappointment with Siri," reads Apple's motion to dismiss the claim.
Avail yourselves of this, suckers
"Tellingly, although Plaintiffs claim they became dissatisfied with Siri's performance "soon after" purchasing their iPhones, they made no attempt to avail themselves of Apple's 30-day return policy or one-year warranty - which remains in effect," it continues.
Everyone knows you don't use the term "avail themselves" without intending it to be read in a biting, sarcastic tone.
"Instead, they seek to take an alleged personal grievance about the purported performance of a popular product and turn it into a nationwide class action under California's consumer protection statutes.
"The Complaint does not come close to meeting the heavy burden necessary to sustain such claims."
And all that's not to mention the fact that Siri is still in beta, something that Apple has never made a secret of.
Zing! Your move, Siri-haters.
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