How to optimise your Windows swap file

Pagefile swapping
Access to the page file gets pretty hectic once memory starts getting tight

It's one of those questions that raises its ugly head a couple of times a year, everyone makes some type of grunting noise, no real conclusion is reached and it's forgotten about until the next bemused victim asks all over again.

That question was about the Windows swap file, aka the page file, aka virtual memory. Over the years we've heard all the so-called best methods; no swap file, fixed swap file, system managed file, on the main partition, on its own partition, twice the system memory, three times the system memory, fragmented, defragmented...