What is the most humourless environment in the entire world right now? We'd say it's a toss-up between Iain Lee's living room on a Wednesday evening and any airport terminal across the globe, with the latter this week seeing a stunning case of extreme job-doing by UK airport security staff.
Silly man Paul Chambers made a joke on Twitter saying he would "blow up" Doncaster's Robin Hood Airport if his flight was delayed, which is admittedly a Category A Stupid offence - but the end result was quite something else.
DROP THE MAGAZINE, LADY: "...then I'm going to spend £4.75 on a rubbish baguette" [Image credit: Flickr]
Police arrested him under the terrorism act, confiscated his laptop, computer and iPhone, and he has been banned from the airport for life, all for Tweeting about bombs. How did they know? Will we all soon have to take print-outs of our last six months of Twitter activity with us to airports, to prove we haven't been planning an attack?
Red-handled Screwdriver of Death
Also in the world of over-zealous airport hell this week, a US passenger claimed his Xbox 360 was subjected to an extremely strict pre-flight check by airport officials, resulting in the insides of the console being left outside of the console in a little plastic bag.
SYSTEM ERROR:"Please get the angry American with the moustache to put me back together again"
According to The Consumerist, traveller Adam had been reassured it was safe to check in his Xbox 360 as a piece of hold luggage, only to discover his console was "broken now and they're telling me tough luck" upon his arrival at his destination. That'll teach him to be so protective about his Bayonetta save position.
"Lord protect this touchscreen from blemishes"
"It's the technology that is our daily working tool, and it's a technology we should bless," said London-based vicar the Reverend Canon David Parrott, shortly after giving a blessing to a symbolic pile of gadgets.
PRAISE BE UNTO JOBS: Similar religious scenes are witnessed during most Apple conferences [Image credit: Sang Tan, AP]
According to an AP report in USA Today, parishioners of the City-based church took out their mobile phones as Parrot recited his blessing, thanking today's modern technology for empowering us all to work harder, while on trains and even while in bed with the wife on a Sunday evening.
Thanks, technology. Thanks for allowing my phone to wake me up at 3.35am to inform me about Nigerian lottery wins.
New Lenor warm plastic odour
The only thing we had to worry about going in the washing machine in the olden days was a three shilling note or a stray tissue, leaving you either slightly poorer or with embarrassing white particles all over your favourite pair of grey slacks. But the miniaturisation of technology has led to a whole new era of danger - washed gadgetry.
A survey by the presumably very, very bored people of Credent Technology has found (AKA "guessed") that 5,000 USB drives are put through the washing machines of dry-cleaning companies every year, leading to all sorts of complaints about possible losses of important data.
THE THIRD DEGREES: "Sorry, your laptop was in my skirt pocket."
This could actually get you in proper trouble - the Government's Information Commissioner's Office is introducing fines of up to £500,000 for losing people's personal data this year. This means you might find yourself in a very, very serious meeting with people too important to usually talk to you if you leave a memory stick in your trousers and then lose said trousers.
Sorry for leaving you on such a serious and factual note this week. Next week we'll end with a YouTube clip of someone falling off something, OK? Promise.
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