Anonymous internet use? It's totally over

Fed up with the internet? The US Air Force certainly is. It turns out that all sorts of mean and horrid bad guys think it would be funny, profitable or politically expedient to hack, spam or DDoS the USAF. And the boys with wings on their uniforms are sick and tired of having to spend their time fending off these attacks when they could be bombing a developing nation somewhere.

In an admirable display of the can-do attitude for which their nation is famous, the USAF has decided that the best way to fix this is to "rewrite the laws of cyberspace". No really. That's their plan.