This law threatens all our human rights

Its total lack of basis in fact notwithstanding


Imagine this scenario: in an obscure jurisdictional district of a country you probably haven't been to, a law has just been passed that will outlaw something that the whole online community would agree is a fundamental human right.

It might be that you are no longer allowed to post your daily minutiae for the world to see. Maybe 'they' have forbidden looking at pixels that represent body parts of the opposite sex. Or pixels that imply death and dismemberment. It doesn't really matter. The point is that it's something that you spend a lot of time doing and, even though you know there are lots of reasons you probably shouldn't, it's something that you want to keep on doing.

And now it has been banned. At least in this remote corner of the world. You can read the full details of the judge's ruling in this link to an unavailable web page. But you won't, partly because the web page is unavailable, but mostly because you can't be bothered. You already have the summary of it here, right? Time spent reading TFA is time you could have spent posting about your day. Or looking at pixels.

Why should you care? It's hard to say. Certainly, there is no possibility of this ruling ever directly affecting you. And yet, the ultra-libertarian internet is like NATO, where an attack on one is taken as an attack on all. Even if you previously had no interest in blogging (or pixels) it's important to overreact as strongly as possible. Your knee-jerk reposting of this article to as many different sites as possible is the only way to prevent an inappropriate metaphor of Nazi, fundamentalist plague zombies. If you don't want to repost the article, you should at the very least add your own comments to it, explaining why this ban is technologically impractical, legally unenforceable and morally unjustifiable.

And if anyone else suggests that this whole implausible story seems an awful lot like a late April Fool's hoax, then this is all the evidence you need to identify them as corporate shills and apologist mouthpieces for Nazi plague zombie regimes. Even after it has been conclusively debunked, this news story must be promulgated as widely as possible. Only in this way can we be kept on our guard.

The only reason this story isn't true is because none of the things it states as fact have happened yet. Think about that.