Thanks to Apple it's now a little bit cooler to be on the scrap heap by 34 - courtesy of the UK's Job Centre Plus, which has launched an iPhone app to help people find minimum wage employment in various meat production facilities across the country.

The government announcement says the app lets users search for jobs by location, and will soon be enhanced to automatically notify you when a meat-separating opportunity that matches your search criteria and skillset becomes available.

Jobseekers iphone app

NOT WANTED: Employees who stare at their phones all day need not apply

The BBC, quoting Employment Minister Jim Knight, says the job-seeking app is currently being ported to other mobile phone systems, so if you managed to keep hold of your company BlackBerry when they made you redundant last year, your luck will soon be in.

Out-classed

There was a marginally famous internet video doing the rounds last week, which allegedly showed a student's laptop being dissolved in acid by an angry lecturer. We dismissed it at the time as a fake - surely no government employee would take his career into his hands in such a away?

True or not, we're now seeing the tide turn against laptops for students, with the Times reporting that US lecturer Allan Rubin has risked having his car tyres slashed by banning computers from his studies - after spotting students playing games.

"I know from teaching assistants who were wandering around when the laptops were open that they were surfing the web. They were playing poker with each other," he said, his professional dignity clearly insulted.

Laptops banned

BANNED: And pens make writing too easy. Bring back chalk

Poker might be acceptable in maths if they're researching probability or doing some remedial adding practise, but not in Rubin's geosciences classes. There's nothing location specific about Texas Hold 'Em.

Blagger's Paradise

Recently redundant US talk show host Conan O'Brien has been issuing his own unique form of help via the internet, thanks to his decision to "follow" a lady on Twitter. Conan went from zero to over 600,000 followers on Twitter in the space of a week after leaving his US talk show, but he opted to only follow one other account - that of Sarah Killen.

After being picked out - at random - by O'Brien, Sarah is now being flooded with offers to help pay for her upcoming wedding.

Conan o brien on twitter

FREE TWEET: Dreams can come true, if you win the celebrity-follower Twitter lottery

As reported by US news site Good Morning America, when Sarah tweeted that her and her partner had only managed to save a brave-but-pitiful $30 for their wedding, numerous companies leapt in and offered to help pay for the special day. No doubt in return for a thank-you Tweet endorsement to her new 20,000 plus followers.

Rude Tube

And finally, one more tool from the weird world of Apple Apps - TubeRefund. Designed to help you automatically complain when your train's delayed and you're stuck standing in a stinking carriage with numerous hungover, angry businessmen, the iPhone app stores your details and lets you quickly fire off angry stock refund requests before you've even left the station premises.

Tube refund app

MONEY BACK: Also, can we have 50p off every time we have to stand up?

Clearly excited about the financial possibilities offered by any forthcoming tube strikes, the maker of TubeRefund, which costs 59p, claims it is "almost guaranteed that the app would have paid for itself within the first two weeks". Clever use of the non-legally-binding word "almost" there.

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