Action Movie

Action Movie

Made just for those times when the Oscars, or any awards show for that matter, get deadly dull. Action Movie allows you to take any short piece of video that you shoot, like some slow-moving drama scene from the latest Meryl Streep piece of Oscar-bait and add explosions or car crashes or aliens or flaming meteorites filled with tons of carnage and destruction. Just shoot anything off your television and enjoy watching Oscar host Ellen DeGeneres explode in a hail of rocket fire. Hey, if the Academy is not going to bestow good Hollywood movies where things blow up with awards, then we can do the next best thing and blow up the awards.

Run Pee

Run Pee

If you're like me, you can't see an entire feature film without having to pee at least once. Damn large-soda-and-popcorn-deal! Start this app at the beginning of a three-hour Oscar movie like, say, The Wolf of Wall Street, and you'll receive an alert at the boring parts telling you the best times to make a run to the restroom.

Once the show is over, check the app and you'll read a description of the boring parts you missed. While the app would be really useful during the Oscars, it's safe to say you can pee during commercials (unlike the Super Bowl) and during those over-the-top dance numbers.

At some point there must be a Run Pee app for television, but for now enjoy this useful movie-going tip.

Watch ABC

Watch ABC

While a recent update of the Watch ABC requires users to enter a cable provider in order to access content, this second-screen experience app provides… oh who am I kidding? This app is crap, just use Zeebox.

And if these apps fail to provide amusement, I find seeking out trailers for the Oscar porn parodies a very rewarding experience unto itself. Surprised? Yes, in fact, there are Oscar porn parodies and if the Academy ever decides to honor adult films, this year's winner should be 12 Inches a Slave.

Chris Gore is the founder of Film Threat, a writer and comedian whose debut comedy book/album is titled Celebrities Poop. (www.celebritiespoop.com) Chris' Oscar Twitter feed can be read @ThatChrisGore.