Apple's very uncharacteristic decision to call an iPhone 4 press conference for Friday has, as you may imagine, sparked huge discussions about what exactly the company is going to say.

With the growing derision over the 'death grip' reception problem that has blighted the phone, the general consensus is that the conference will probably revolve around the already announced 4.1 update to iOS which will at least mean the phone is reporting its network signal properly.

But, Apple has been known to throw the odd curve-ball, so breath will be bated and tenterhooks will be occupied until the conclusion of the press gathering.

There are, however, a few things that we can be fairly certain you WON'T be hearing from Cupertino on Friday.

1. We're recalling the iPhone 4

We've already heard analysts discussing how much it would cost for Apple to ask for every iPhone 4 back, but although Apple have been forced into confessing that there is actually a problem (with the caveat that every phone has it), and that it needs to make a change (but only because the software is wrong), don't expect to be offered a shiny new updated handset.

2. Come in Gizmodo

We doubt this is a time for mending old rifts, and with Gizmodo's whole prototype iPhone 4 reveal still fresh in the minds, don't expect to see the esteemed gadget blog lining up among the journalists at the conference.

3. We are ready to comment on rumour and speculation

Famous for stonewalling the press on anything that isn't direct from Steve Jobs' mouth, Apple will not comment on rumour and speculation... but don't quote us on that.

4. It's just a phone

One of Steve Jobs' most famous quirks is his personal replies to emails that are sent to his email address. Clearly he doesn't respond to everyone, but the occasional Jobs comment has become much appreciated by those starved of any other official comment. He was earlier (mis) quoted as saying 'it's only a phone' to one irate user - Jobs would never be so crass about his enchanted magical iPhone 4 wonder-device.

5. Sorry

Okay, we could be proved wrong here, but we think the chances of Apple actually apologising for a flaw in its hardware is highly unlikely. Past responses have sailed close to the apologetic breeze, but not actually used the word so hated by politicians (and journos) across the globe. Sorry.

6. Free bumpers for all

Apple has already insisted that those bumpers is showed off so proudly at launch will not be given out to all iPhone 4 users, and although this would solve the technical problem, it would also lead to Apple being accused of backtracking and of having to provide an ad hoc solution to a problem that it still insists is inherent in all mobile phones.

7. One more thing...here's our iPhone 5

Because that would be crazy.

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Liked this? Then check out iPhone 5: 10 things Apple should fix

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