Keeley: topless Page 3 model turns to tech

By James Rivington

October 15th 2007 | Tell us what you think [ 0 comments ]

Keeley (left): Can you help me understand computers? Man (right): Yes

It was with a wry smile this morning that I discovered that,in a move that will no-doubt drive Germaine Greer and her feminist cohorts upthe crazy wall, glamour model Keeley Hazell has been chosen to front a new webTV show about computers.

It's called Byte Me TV, and Keeley plays the role of a stereotypically ignorant blondegirl who knows nothing about computers but wants to learn. Let me tell you, there is only one reason why anyone would watch this, andits not editorial quality or integrity. [Is it because it has computers in it? - Ed]

"Hi... I'm Keeley and welcome to Byte Me. This is where... we...take the ...jargon out of technology. Now you've... guessed it, I'm no technologyexpert but I'd like... to... learn... more. And lucky for me, I've got a group offriends who've reassured me they can teach me ANYTHING," stumbles Keeley at thebeginning of the Byte Me TV pilot episode.

We're sure they'll be only too willing, Keeley.

PC know-how

To be serious for just a second, the basis for the show isactually pretty sound. Five to ten minute episodes every week during which thebasics surrounding computing issues are addressed, jargon-free. Sounds good,right? Sounds about right for my mother, actually.

But seriously, whoever's idea it was to have Britain's mostfamous topless Page 3 model presenting it... well let's just say it was a brainfart on the most epic of scales.

If you thought Kevin Costner was wooden, just wait until yousee this. I sat and watched the entire five minute episode not because I wasinterested in the content, and not because I wanted to ogle at an attractive younglady, but because I was waiting on the edge of my seat for a woodpecker to landon said lady's head and start boring a hole in her face.

It was almost painful viewing.

Mac vs PC: can Keeley tell?

Still though, I'm sure she'll get better. And no doubt therewill be thousands of teenage boys across the land who'll be celebrating wildlyto hear of Keeley's involvement with this project. But when it comes down toit, you've got to wonder whether it would get more editorial respect if they'dgone with even just a quite good looking person instead of Keeley Hazell... super-hot temptress extraordinaire.

Puberty-ravaged sixteen year old boys are surely not thetarget audience for this show... if they'd wanted my mother to watch it they shouldhave hired someone else. Even Kevin Costner would have been more appropriate.

Episode 1 will apparently focus on the differences between Macs and PCs and at the end of it, Keeley will decide which one to buy.

"Did Keeley Buy a Mac or a PC? Find out on 25 October 2007," says the Byte Me website. Right next to a picture of Keeley sitting on the floor with a large MacBook Pro. Smooth.

Still though, all things considered, I can't wait for the next (terrible) episode. So maybe it's doing a good job after all?

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